Some wit of old,--such wits of old there were,-- Whose hints showed meaning, whose allusions care, By one brave stroke to mark all human kind, Called clear blank paper every infant mind! Then still, as opening sense her dictates wrote, Fair virtue put a seal, or vice a blot. The thought was happy, pertinent, and true; Methinks a genius might the plan pursue. I (can you pardon my presumption), I-- No wit, no genius--yet for once will try. Various the papers various wants produce, The wants of fashion, elegance and use. Men are as various; and, if right I scan, Each sort of _paper_ represents some _man_. Pray not the fop,--half powder and half lace,-- Nice as a bandbox were his dwelling-place; He's the _gilt paper_, which apart you store, And lock from vulgar hands in the escritoire. Mechanics, servants, farmers, and so forth, Are _copy-paper_, of inferior worth,-- Less prized, more useful, for your desk decreed. Free to all pens, and prompt at every need. The wretch whom avarice bids to pinch and spare, Starve, cheat, and pilfer, to enrich an heir, Is coarse _brown paper_, such as peddlers choose To wrap up wares which better men will use. Take next the miser's contrast, who destroys Health, fame and fortune in a round of joys. Will any paper match him? Yes, throughout. He's a true _sinking paper_, past all doubt. The retail politician's anxious thought Deems _this_ side always right, and _that_ stark naught; He foams with censure, with applause he raves,-- A dupe to rumors, and a tool of knaves: He'll want no type his weakness to proclaim While such a thing as _foolscap_ has a name. The hasty gentleman, whose blood runs high, Who picks a quarrel if you step awry, Who can't a jest, or hint, or look endure,-- What's he? What? _Touch-paper_, to be sure. What are our poets, take them as they fall, Good, bad, rich, poor, much read, not read at all? Them and their works in the same class you'll find: They are the mere _waste paper_ of mankind. Observe the maiden, innocently sweet; She's fair _white paper_, an unsullied sheet, On which the happy man, whom fate ordains, May write his _name_, and take her for his pains. One instance more, and only one, I'll bring; 'Tis the _great man_ who scorns a little thing, Whose thoughts, whose deeds, whose maxims, are his own, Formed on the feelings of his heart alone; True genuine _royal paper_ is his breast,-- Of all the kinds most precious, purest, best. NIAGARA BE DAMMED[7] BY WALLACE IRWIN