American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
June 14. Rashe Belnap and Horris Cobbs go in swimming every morning at
six o'clock. i got a licking today that beat the one Beany got. last
summer me and Tomtit Tomson and Cawcaw Harding and Whack and Poz and
Boog Chadwick went in swimming in May and all thru the summer until
October. one day i went in 10 times. well i dident say anything about it
to father so as not to scare him. well today he dident go to Boston and
he said i am going to teech you to swim. when i was as old as you i cood
swim said he, and you must lern, i said i have been wanting to lern to
swim, for all the other boys can swim. so we went down to the gravil and
i peeled off my close and got ready, now said he, you jest wade in up to
your waste and squat down and duck your head under. i said the water
will get in my nose. he said no it wont jest squat rite down. i cood
see him laffin when he thought i wood snort and sputter.
so i waded out a little ways and then div in and swam under water most
across, and when i came up i looked to see if father was surprised. gosh
you aught to have seen him. he had pulled off his coat and vest and
there he stood up to his waste in the water with his eyes jest bugging
rite out as big as hens eggs, and he was jest a going to dive for my
dead body. then i turned over on my back and waved my hand at him. he
dident say anything for a minute, only he drawed in a long breth. then
he began to look foolish, and then mad, and then he turned and started
to slosh back to the bank where he slipped and went in all over. When he
got to the bank he was pretty mad and yelled for me to come out. when i
came out he cut a stick and whaled me, and as soon as i got home he sent
me to bed for lying, but i gess he was mad becaus i about scart the life
out of him. but that nite i heard him telling mother about it and he
said that he div 3 times for me in about thirty feet of water. but he
braged about my swimming and said i cood swim like a striped frog. i
shall never forget how his boots went kerslosh kerslosh kerslosh when we
were skinning home thru croslots. i shall never forget how that old
stick hurt either. ennyhow he dident say ennything about not going in
again, so i gess i am all rite.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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