American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
June 15, 186----Johnny Heeld, a student, came to me and wanted me to carry
some tickets to a dance round to the girls in the town. there was about
1 hundred of them. he read the names over to me and i said i knew them
all. so after school me and Beany started out and walked all over town
and give out the tickets. i had a long string of names and every time i
wood leave one i wood mark out the name. i dident give the Head girls
any because they told father about some things that me and Beany and
Pewt did and the Parmer girls and the Cilley girls lived way up on the
plains and i dident want to walk up there, so when i went over to
Hemlock side to give one, i went over to the factory boarding house and
give some to them. they was auful glad to get them too and said they
would go to the dance. some people was not at home and so i gave their
tickets to the next house. it took me till 8 o'clock and i got 1 dollar
for it. i dont believe those girls that dident get their tickets will
care much about going ennyway. i gess the Head girls wont want to tell
on me another time.
June 23. there is a dead rat in the wall in my room. it smells auful.
A MOTHERS' MEETING[4]
BY MADELINE BRIDGES
"Where's the maternal parent of
This boy that stands in need of beating,
And of this babe that pines for love?"
"Oh, she is at a Mothers' Meeting!"
"Fair daughter, why these young tears shed,
For passion's tale, too sweet and fleeting,
Lonely and mute, uncomforted?"
"My mother's at a Mothers' Meeting."
"Man, whom misfortunes jeer and taunt,
Whom frauds forsake, and hope is cheating,
Fly to your mother's arms." "I can't--
You see, she's at a Mothers' Meeting."
Alas, what next will woman do?
Love, duty, children, home, maltreating,
The while she, smiling, rallies to
The roll-call of a Mothers' Meeting!
FOOTNOTES:
[4] Lippincott's Magazine.
MISTER RABBIT'S LOVE AFFAIR
BY FRANK L. STANTON
One day w'en Mister Rabbit wuz a-settin' in de grass
He see Miss Mary comin', en he wouldn't let her pass,
Kaze he know she lookin' purty in de river lookin'glass,
O Mister Rabbit, in de mawnin'!
But de Mockin'bird wuz singin' in de blossom en de dew,
En he know 'bout Mister Rabbit, en he watchin' er 'im,
too;
En Miss Mary heah his music, en she tell 'im "Howdy-do!"
O Mister Rabbit, in de mawnin'!
Mister Rabbit 'low he beat 'im, en he say he'll l'arn ter sing,
En he tried it all de winter, en he kep' it up in spring;
But he wuzn't buil' fer singin', kaze he lack de voice en wing,--
Good-by, Mister Rabbit, in de mawnin'!
OUR HIRED GIRL
BY JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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