American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
Then I looked up at Nye,
And he gazed upon me;
And he rose with a sigh,
And said, "Can this be?
We are ruined by Chinese cheap labor;"
And he went for that heathen Chinee.
In the scene that ensued
I did not take a hand,
But the floor it was strewed
Like the leaves on the strand
With the cards that Ah Sin had been hiding
In the game "he did not understand."
In his sleeves, which were long,
He had twenty-four packs,
Which was coming it strong,
Yet I state but the facts;
And we found on his nails, which were taper,
What is frequent in tapers--that's wax.
Which is why I remark--
And my language is plain--
That for ways that are dark,
And for tricks that are vain,
The heathen Chinee is peculiar,
Which the same I am free to maintain.
POSSESSION
BY WILLIAM J. LAMPTON
Oh, give me whatever I do not possess,
No matter whatever it be;
So long as I haven't it that is enough,
I fancy, to satisfy me.
No matter whatever I happen to have,
I have it; and what I have not
Seems all that is good of the good things of earth
To lighten the lack of my lot.
No covetous spirit incites the desire
To have what I haven't, I'm sure;
Because when I have what I haven't, I want
What I haven't, the same as before.
So, give me whatever I do not possess,
No matter whatever it be;
And yet--
To have what I haven't is having, and that
Destroys all the pleasure for me.
HER BROTHER: ENFANT TERRIBLE[6]
BY EDWIN L. SABIN
This is Her brother; angel-faced,--
Barring freckles and turned-up nose,--
Demon-minded--a word well based,
As nearer acquaintance will disclose.
From outward guise the most sage of men
Would never guess what within lies hid!
If years we reckon, in age scant ten;
If cunning, old as a pyramid.
This is Her brother, who sticks and sticks
Tighter than even a brother should;
Brimming over with teasing tricks,
Hardened to bribe and "_please_ be good";
And who, when at last afar we deem,
In some sly recess but lurks in wait
To note the progress of love's young dream--
And we learn of his presence too late, too late!
This is Her brother, with watchful eyes,
Piercing, shameless, and indiscreet,
With ears wide open for soft replies
And sounds that are sibilant and sweet!
With light approach (not a lynx so still),
With figure meanly invisible,
With threatening voice and iron will,
And shrill demands or he'll "go and tell!"
This is Her brother--and I submit
To paying out quarters and sundry dimes;
This is Her brother--whose urchin wit
Moves me to wrath a thousand times;
This is Her brother--and hence I smile
And jest and cringe at his tyranny,
And call him "smart"! But just wait a while
Till he's _my_ brother--and then we'll see!
FOOTNOTES:
[6] Lippincott's Magazine.
THE JACKPOT
BY IRONQUILL
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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