“You pity me!” she cried. “What lie is that which says that there is
a kinship between pity and love? Think well--beware--be warned. I have
told you much, but you do not know me yet. If you save me, you save
me but to love you more than I do already. Look at me. For me there is
neither God, nor hell, nor pride, nor shame. There is nothing that I
will not do, nothing I shall be ashamed or afraid of doing. If you save
me, you save me that I may follow you as long as I live. I will never
leave you. You shall never escape my presence, your whole life shall be
full of me--you do not love me, and I can threaten you with nothing more
intolerable than myself. Your eyes will weary of the sight of me and
your ears at the sound of my voice. Do you think I have no hope? A
moment ago I had none. But I see it now. Whether you will, or not,
I shall be yours. You may make a prisoner of me--I shall be in your
keeping then, and shall know it, and feel it, and love my prison for
your sake, even if you will not let me see you. If you would escape from
me, you must kill me, as Israel Kafka means to kill me now--and then,
I shall die by your hand and my life will have been yours and given to
you. How can you think that I have no hope! I have hope--and certainty,
for I shall be near you always to the end--always, always, always! I
will cling to you--as I do now--and say, I love you, I love you--yes,
and you will cast me off, but I will not go--I will clasp your feet,
and say again, I love you, and you may spurn me--man, god, wanderer,
devil,--whatever you are--beloved always! Tread upon me, trample on me,
crush me--you cannot save yourself, you cannot kill my love!”
She had tried to take his hand and he had withdrawn his, she had fallen
upon her knees, and as he tried to free himself had fallen almost to
her length upon the marble floor, clinging to his very feet, so that he
could make no step without doing her some hurt. He looked down, amazed
and silent, and as he looked she cast one glance upward to his stern
face, the bright tears streaming like falling gems from her unlike eyes,
her face pale and quivering, her rich hair all loosened and falling
about her.
And then, neither body, nor heart, nor soul, could bear the enormous
strain that was laid upon them. A low cry broke from her lips, a stormy
sob, another and another, like quick short waves breaking over the bar
when the tide is low and the wind is rising suddenly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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