“You are not so hard with me as you were,” she said thoughtfully, after
a moment’s hesitation, and there was a touch of gratitude in her voice.
As she felt the dim possibility of a return to her former relations of
friendship with him, Beatrice and the scene in the church seemed to be
very far away. Again the Wanderer found it difficult to answer.
“It is not for me to be hard, as you call it,” he said quietly. There
was a scarcely perceptible smile on his face, brought there not by any
feeling of satisfaction, but by his sense of his own almost laughable
perplexity. He saw that he was very near being driven to the ridiculous
necessity of giving her some advice of the paternal kind. “It is not
for me, either, to talk to you of what you have done to Israel Kafka
to-day,” he confessed. “Do not oblige me to say anything about it. It
will be much safer. You know it all better than I do, and you understand
your own reasons, as I never can. If you are sorry for him now, so much
the better--you will not hurt him any more if you can help it. If you
will say that much about the future I shall be very glad, I confess.”
“Do you think that there is anything which I will not do--if you ask
it?” Unorna asked very earnestly.
“I do not know,” the Wanderer answered, trying to seem to ignore
the meaning conveyed by her tone. “Some things are harder to do than
others----”
“Ask me the hardest!” she exclaimed. “Ask me to tell you the whole
truth----”
“No,” he said firmly, in the hope of checking an outburst of passionate
speech. “What you have thought and done is no concern of mine. If you
have done anything that you are sorry for, without my knowledge, I
do not wish to know of it. I have seen you do many good and kind acts
during the last month, and I would rather leave those memories untouched
as far as possible. You may have had an object in doing them which in
itself was bad. I do not care. The deeds were good. Take credit for
them and let me give you credit for them. That will do neither of us any
harm.”
“I could tell you--if you would let me--”
“Do not tell me,” he interrupted. “I repeat that I do not wish to know.
The one thing that I have seen is bad enough. Let that be all. Do
you not see that? Besides, I am myself the cause of it in a
measure--unwilling enough, Heaven knows!”
“The only cause,” said Unorna bitterly.
“Then I am in some way responsible. I am not quite without blame--we men
never are in such cases. If I reproach you, I must reproach myself as
well--”
“Reproach yourself!--ah no! What can you say against yourself?” she
could not keep the love out of her voice, if she would; her bitterness
had been for herself.
“I will not go into that,” he answered. “I am to blame in one way or
another. Let us say no more about it. Will you let the matter rest?”
“And let bygones be bygones, and be friends to each other, as we were
this morning?” she asked, with a ray of hope.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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