She sang by heart the little story drawn from the writing of Jalalu’d
dinu’r Rumi. The poet who had taken it had made a charming poem of it,
delicate, fragile, and yet dramatic and touched with fervour, porcelain
with firelight gleaming on it here and there. Lady Holme had usually a
power of identifying herself thoroughly with what she was singing, of
concentrating herself with ease upon it, and so compelling her hearers
to be concentrated upon her subject and upon her. To-day she was deeper
down in words and music, in the little drama of them, than ever before.
She was the man who knocked at the door, the loved one who cried from
within the house. She gave the reply, “_C’est moi_!” with the eagerness
of that most eager of all things--Hope. Then, as she sang gravely, with
tender rebuke, “This house cannot shelter us both together,” she was
in the heart of love, that place of understanding. Afterwards, as one
carried by Fate through the sky, she was the man set down in a desert
place, fasting, praying, educating himself to be more worthy of love.
Then came the return, the question, “_Qui est la_?” the reply;--reply
of the solitary place, the denied desire, the longing to mount, the
educated heart--“_C’est toi_!” the swiftly-opening door, the rush of
feet that were welcome, of outstretched arms for which waited a great
possession.
Something within her lived the song very fully and completely. For once
she did not think at all of what effect she was making. She was not
unconscious of the audience. She was acutely conscious of the presence
of people, and of individuals whom she knew; of Fritz, of Lady
Cardington, Sir Donald, even of poor, horrible Rupert Carey. But with
the unusual consciousness was linked a strange indifference, a sense
of complete detachment. And this enabled her to live simultaneously two
lives--Lady Holme’s and another’s. Who was the other? She did not ask,
but she felt as if in that moment a prisoner within her was released.
And yet, directly the song was over and the eager applause broke out, a
bitterness came into her heart. Her sense, banished for the moment,
of her own personality and circumstances returned upon her, and that
“_C’est toi_!” of the educated heart seemed suddenly an irony as she
looked at Fritz’s face. Had any lover gone into the desert for her,
fasted and prayed for her, learned for her sake the right answer to the
ceaseless question that echoes in every woman’s heart?
The pianist modulated, struck the chord of a new key, paused, then broke
into a languid, honey-sweet prelude. Lady Holme sang the Italian song
which had made Lady Cardington cry.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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