What was the use of asking the cause of her emotion? The fire of
sacrifice was burning her. I had before me a young martyr in the
making. And then again I recall the cloister of St. John Lateran,
a quiet corner, where one inhales with the perfume of roses the
unchanging charm of Rome. We were there alone one sunny afternoon. The
recollection of the roses growing among the palms in the little central
garden about the wall fixes the time for me as again the beginning
of Spring, doubtless a short time before our departure. She was at a
little distance from me, standing between two of those slender columns
which support the cloister and seem as transparent as alabaster in the
sunlight. She was dressed in white; she smiled. I have never since seen
so perfect an image of peace.
* * *
Her catholic heart rejoiced in the city of three hundred and fifty
churches, eighty of which are dedicated to the Virgin. And here her
knowledge surpassed mine. She gave me brief accounts of the lives of
Saint Cecilia, Saint Agnes and Saint Catherine of Siena, of whom I
knew nothing. The places which their deaths have sanctified derived
all their meaning from these narratives. At the church of Santa Maria
Maggiore she told me of the miracle of the snow which fell in the month
of August, to point out to the Pope the site of the basilica. I grieved
her with my ironies and doubts, whereas the miracle of her charm should
have watered the barrenness of my mind like that cool snowfall itself.
Then, having amused myself with the religious instruction of which she
gave me the benefit, little by little I began to be annoyed by it. It
seemed to me that I was reduced to second place. My vanity could not
endure it. In consequence, for several days I systematically selected
for the object of our walks those ancient ruins wherein I had the
advantage of her.
However, I did go with her sometimes to service at Santa Maria del
Popolo, and the Trinità dei Monte, which, being near the Piazza di
Spagna, where we were living, were her particular churches. For
Trinity, whose rose-coloured bell towers at the alluring hour of the
Benediction, are beautified by the evening light, we had only to mount
the staircase, from the flower market at the bottom. It is on the Road
to the Pincio, where we went later.
But instead of admiring this elevation of spirit I derived bitterness
from it. Did I not wish to confiscate all her powers of feeling to the
profit of my love alone?
“A moment ago,” I protested once, “you were praying, and I was not in
your thoughts.”
She was much surprised at my remark.
“You are always in my thoughts when I pray,” she replied. “How could it
be otherwise?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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