The exiled cavaliers, Willmore the Rover, Shift and Hunt, two officers,
Ned Blunt and Fetherfool, his friend, have arrived at Madrid, where
they are welcomed by Beaumond, nephew to the English Ambassador. Both
Willmore and Beaumond are enamoured of La Nuche, a beautiful courtezan,
whilst Shift and Hunt are respectively courting a Giantess and a Dwarf,
two Mexican Jewesses of immense wealth, newly come to Madrid with an
old Hebrew, their uncle and guardian. Beaumond is contracted to
Ariadne, who loves Willmore. Whilst the Rover is complimenting La
Nuche, some Spaniards, headed by Don Carlo, an aged admirer of the
lady, attempt to separate the pair. During the scuffle the ladies enter
a church, where they are followed by the gallants. A little later
Fetherfool comes to terms with La Nuche’s duenna, Petronella, whilst
Willmore makes love to Ariadne. Shift next informs Willmore of the
arrival of a celebrated mountebank, and the Rover resolves to take the
quack’s place, which he does in effective disguise. Fetherfool and
Blunt visit the pseudo-doctor’s house, where the Giantess and Dwarf are
lodged to be converted to a reasonable size by his medicaments;
covetous of their great fortunes, the coxcombs also begin to court the
two Jewesses. La Nuche comes to consult the mountebank and meets
Ariadne attired as a boy, and Willmore in his own dress. Ariadne, who
has a rendezvous that evening with Willmore, is accidentally
anticipated by La Nuche, who runs into the garden during a night brawl
between Beaumond and the Rover, each of whom is ignorant of his
opponent’s personality. Both the combatants encounter the courtezan in
the garden and are joined by Ariadne. The confusion and mistakes that
ensue are augmented by the arrival of Beaumond’s page and eventually
all disperse in different directions. La Nuche returns to her house,
where Fetherfool—led on by the Duenna—awaits her. Carlo, however, come
thither for the same purpose, enters the chambers, and after they have
fallen to fisticuffs, Fetherfool in a fright escapes through a window.
Meanwhile La Nuche is engaged with Willmore; Beaumond interrupts, and
both leave her in pretended disdain. Ariadne, purposing to meet the
Rover, mistakes Beaumond for him in the dark and they hurry away to the
quack’s house. Here, however, Fetherfool has already arrived and,
finding the Giantess asleep, robs her of a pearl necklace; but he is
alarmed by Shift, who takes her off and promptly weds her, whilst Hunt
does the same by the Dwarf. Blunt next appears leading Petronella,
veiled, who, filching a casket of jewels, has just fled from La Nuche;
but the hag is discovered and compelled to disgorge. The Jewish
Guardian is reconciled to the marriages of his wards; Beaumond and
Ariadne, Willmore and La Nuche arrive, and the various mistakes with
regard to identity are rectified, Willmore incidentally revealing
himself as the sham mountebank. Beaumond and Ariadne agree to marry,
whilst La Nuche gives herself to the Rover.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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