The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb — Volume 1: Miscellaneous ProseLamb, Charles
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The Works of Charles and Mary Lamb — Volume 1: Miscellaneous Prose
Lamb, Charles
English literature
Those times are long since past, and with them have ceased to exist the
fond concealment,--the indulgent blindness,--the delicate
over-looking,--the compassionate fiction. I and my infirmity are left
exposed and bare to the broad, unwinking eye of the world, which nothing
can elude. My meals are scanned, my mouthfuls weighed in a balance: that
which appetite demands, is set down to the account of gluttony,--a sin
which my whole soul abhors, nay, which Nature herself has put it out of
my power to commit. I am constitutionally disenabled from that vice; for
how can he be guilty of excess, who never can get enough? Let them
cease, then, to watch my plate; and leave off their ungracious
comparisons of it to the seven baskets of fragments, and the
supernaturally-replenished cup of old Baucis; and be thankful that their
more phlegmatic stomachs, not their virtue, have saved them from the
like reproaches. I do not see that any of them desist from eating till
the holy rage of hunger, as some one calls it, is supplied. Alas! I am
doomed to stop short of that continence.
What am I to do? I am by disposition inclined to conviviality, and the
social meal. I am no gourmand: I require no dainties: I should despise
the board of Heliogabalus, except for its long sitting. Those vivacious,
long-continued meals of the latter Romans, indeed I justly envy; but the
kind of fare which the Curii and Dentati put up with, I could be content
with. Dentatus I have been called, among other unsavory jests.
Double-meal is another name which my acquaintance have palmed upon me,
for an innocent piece of policy which I put in practice for some time
without being found out; which was,--going the round of my friends,
beginning with the most primitive feeders among them, who take their
dinner about one o'clock, and so successively dropping in upon the next
and the next, till by the time I got among my more fashionable
intimates, whose hour was six or seven, I have nearly made up the body
of a just and complete meal (as I reckon it), without taking more than
one dinner (as they account of dinners) at one person's house. Since I
have been found out, I endeavour to make up by a damper, as I call it,
at home, before I go out. But alas! with me, increase of appetite truly
grows by what it feeds on. What is peculiarly offensive to me at those
dinner-parties is, the senseless custom of cheese, and the dessert
afterwards. I have a rational antipathy to the former; and for fruit,
and those other vain vegetable substitutes for meat (meat, the only
legitimate aliment for human creatures since the flood, as I take it to
be deduced from that permission, or ordinance rather, given to Noah and
his descendants), I hold them in perfect contempt. Hay for horses. I
remember a pretty apologue, which Mandeville tells very much to this
purpose in his Fable of the Bees:--He brings in a Lion arguing with a
Merchant, who had ventured to expostulate with this king of beasts upon
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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