He had stuck the _Twenty First of June_ next to the _Twenty Second of December_, and the former looked like a Maypole siding a marrow-bone. _Ash Wednesday_ got wedged in (as was concerted) betwixt _Christmas_ and _Lord Mayor's Days_. Lord! how he laid about him! Nothing but barons of beef and turkeys would go down with him--to the great greasing and detriment of his new sackcloth bib and tucker. And still _Christmas Day_ was at his elbow, plying him the wassail-bowl, till he roared, and hiccup'd, and protested there was no faith in dried ling, but commended it to the devil for a sour, windy, acrimonious, censorious, hy-po-crit-crit-cri-tical mess, and no dish for a gentleman. Then he dipt his fist into the middle of the great custard that stood before his _left-hand neighbour_, and daubed his hungry beard all over with it, till you would have taken him for the _Last Day in December_, it so hung in icicles. At another part of the table, _Shrove Tuesday_ was helping the _Second of September_ to some cock broth,--which courtesy the latter returned with the delicate thigh of a hen pheasant--so there was no love lost for that matter. The _Last of Lent_ was spunging upon _Shrovetide's_ pancakes; which _April Fool_ perceiving, told him he did well, for pancakes were proper to a _good fry-day_. In another part, a hubbub arose about the _Thirtieth of January_, who, it seems, being a sour puritanic character, that thought nobody's meat good or sanctified enough for him, had smuggled into the room a calf's head, which he had had cooked at home for that purpose, thinking to feast thereon incontinently; but as it lay in the dish, _March manyweathers_, who is a very fine lady, and subject to the megrims, screamed out there was a "human head in the platter," and raved about Herodias' daughter to that degree, that the obnoxious viand was obliged to be removed; nor did she recover her stomach till she had gulped down a _Restorative_, confected of _Oak Apple_, which the merry _Twenty Ninth of May_ always carries about with him for that purpose. The King's health[1] being called for after this, a notable dispute arose between the _Twelfth of August_ (a zealous old Whig gentlewoman,) and the _Twenty Third of April_ (a new-fangled lady of the Tory stamp,) as to which of them should have the honour to propose it. _August_ grew hot upon the matter, affirming time out of mind the prescriptive right to have lain with her, till her rival had basely supplanted her; whom she represented as little better than a _kept_ mistress, who went about in _fine clothes_, while she (the legitimate BIRTHDAY) had scarcely a rag, &c. _April fool_, being made mediator, confirmed the right in the strongest form of words to the appellant, but decided for peace' sake that the exercise of it should remain with the present possessor. At the same time, he slily rounded the first lady in the ear, that an action might lie against the Crown for _bi-geny_.