_Mr. H._ You must understand that I am in some credit with the ladies. _Belvil._ With the ladies! _Mr. H._ And truly I think not without some pretensions. My fortune-- _Belvil._ Sufficiently splendid, if I may judge from your appearance. _Mr. H._ My figure-- _Belvil._ Airy, gay, and imposing. _Mr. H._ My parts-- _Belvil._ Bright. _Mr. H._ My conversation-- _Belvil._ Equally remote from flippancy and taciturnity. _Mr. H._ But then my name--damn my name! _Belvil._ Childish! _Mr. H._ Not so. Oh, Belvil, you are blessed with one which sighing virgins may repeat without a blush, and for it change the paternal. But what virgin of any delicacy (and I require some in a wife) would endure to be called Mrs.----? _Belvil._ Ha, ha, ha! most absurd. Did not Clementina Falconbridge, the romantic Clementina Falconbridge, fancy Tommy Potts? and Rosabella Sweetlips sacrifice her mellifluous appellative to Jack Deady? Matilda her cousin married a Gubbins, and her sister Amelia a Clutterbuck. _Mr. H._ Potts is tolerable, Deady is sufferable, Gubbins is bearable, and Clutterbuck is endurable, but Ho---- _Belvil._ Hush, Jack, don't betray yourself. But you are really ashamed of the family-name? _Mr. H._ Ay, and of my father that begot me, and my father's father, and all their forefathers that have borne it since the Conquest. _Belvil_. But how do you know the women are so squeamish? _Mr. H_. I have tried them. I tell you there is neither maiden of sixteen nor widow of sixty but would turn up their noses at it. I have been refused by nineteen virgins, twenty-nine relicts, and two old maids. _Belvil_. That was hard indeed, Jack. _Mr. H_. Parsons have stuck at publishing the banns, because they averred it was a heathenish name; parents have lingered their consent, because they suspected it was a fictitious name; and rivals have declined my challenges, because they pretended it was an ungentlemanly name. _Belvil_. Ha, ha, ha! but what course do you mean to pursue? _Mr. H_. To engage the affections of some generous girl, who will be content to take me as Mr. H. _Belvil_. Mr. H.? _Mr. H_. Yes, that is the name I go by here; you know one likes to be as near the truth as possible. _Belvil_. Certainly. But what then? to get her to consent-- _Mr. H_. To accompany me to the altar without a name--in short, to suspend her curiosity (that is all) till the moment the priest shall pronounce the irrevocable charm, which makes two names one. _Belvil_. And that name--and then she must be pleased, ha, Jack? _Mr. H_. Exactly such a girl it has been my fortune to meet with; hark'e (_whispers_)--(_musing_). Yet, hang it! 'tis cruel to betray her confidence. _Belvil_. But the family-name, Jack? _Mr. H_. As you say, the family-name must be perpetuated. _Belvil._ Though it be but a homely one. _Mr. H._ True; but come, I will show you the house where dwells this credulous melting fair. _Belvil._ Ha, ha! my old friend dwindled down to one letter.