The Works of Edgar Allan Poe — Volume 4Poe, Edgar Allan
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The Works of Edgar Allan Poe — Volume 4
Poe, Edgar Allan
American fiction -- 19th century; Fantasy fiction; Horror tales, American; Short stories
The item chiefly disputed in this bill was the very moderate
charge of two pennies for the dickey. Upon my word of honor, this
was not an unreasonable price for that dickey. It was one of the
cleanest and prettiest little dickeys I ever saw; and I have good
reason to believe that it effected the sale of three Petershams.
The elder partner of the firm, however, would allow me only one
penny of the charge, and took it upon himself to show in what
manner four of the same sized conveniences could be got out of a
sheet of foolscap. But it is needless to say that I stood upon
the principle of the thing. Business is business, and should be
done in a business way. There was no system whatever in swindling
me out of a penny—a clear fraud of fifty per cent—no method in
any respect. I left at once the employment of Messrs. Cut &
Comeagain, and set up in the Eye-Sore line by myself—one of the
most lucrative, respectable, and independent of the ordinary
occupations.
My strict integrity, economy, and rigorous business habits, here
again came into play. I found myself driving a flourishing trade,
and soon became a marked man upon “Change.” The truth is, I never
dabbled in flashy matters, but jogged on in the good old sober
routine of the calling—a calling in which I should, no doubt,
have remained to the present hour, but for a little accident
which happened to me in the prosecution of one of the usual
business operations of the profession. Whenever a rich old hunks
or prodigal heir or bankrupt corporation gets into the notion of
putting up a palace, there is no such thing in the world as
stopping either of them, and this every intelligent person knows.
The fact in question is indeed the basis of the Eye-Sore trade.
As soon, therefore, as a building-project is fairly afoot by one
of these parties, we merchants secure a nice corner of the lot in
contemplation, or a prime little situation just adjoining, or
tight in front. This done, we wait until the palace is half-way
up, and then we pay some tasty architect to run us up an
ornamental mud hovel, right against it; or a Down-East or Dutch
Pagoda, or a pig-sty, or an ingenious little bit of fancy work,
either Esquimau, Kickapoo, or Hottentot. Of course we can’t
afford to take these structures down under a bonus of five
hundred per cent upon the prime cost of our lot and plaster. Can
we? I ask the question. I ask it of business men. It would be
irrational to suppose that we can. And yet there was a rascally
corporation which asked me to do this very thing—this very thing!
I did not reply to their absurd proposition, of course; but I
felt it a duty to go that same night, and lamp-black the whole of
their palace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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