_Trap_. This is the end of the first act, sir. _Fust_. I cannot but observe, Mr Trapwit, how nicely you have opposed squire Tankard to colonel Promise; neither of whom have yet uttered one syllable. _Trap_. Why, you would not have every man a speaker, would you? One of a side is sufficient; and let me tell you, sir, one is full enough to utter all that the party has to say for itself. _Fust_. Methinks, sir, you should let the audience know they can speak, if it were but an _ay_ or a _no_. _Trap_. Sir, the audience must know that already; for if they could not say _ay_ and _no_, they would not be qualified for candidates. _Fust_. Oh! your humble servant, I am answered; but pray, sir, what is the action of this play? _Trap_. The action, sir? _Fust_. Yes, sir, the fable, the design? _Trap_. Oh! you ask who is to be married? Why, sir, I have a marriage; I hope you think I understand the laws of comedy better than to write without marrying somebody. _Fust_. But is that the main design to which everything conduces? _Trap_. Yes, sir. _Fust_. Faith, sir, I can't for the soul of me see how what has hitherto past can conduce at all to that end. _Trap_. You can't? indeed, I believe you can't; for that is the whole plot of my play: and do you think I am like your shallow writers of comedy, who publish the bans of marriage between all the couples in their play in the first act? No, sir, I defy you to guess my couple till the thing is done, slap all at once; and that too by an incident arising from the main business of the play, and to which everything conduces. _Fust_. That will, indeed, surprise me. _Trap_. Sir, you are not the first man my writings have surprised. But what's become of all our players?--Here, who begins the second act?--Prompter! _Enter_ 1st Player. _I Play_. Sir, the prompter and most of the players are drinking tea in the green-room. _Trap_. Mr Fustian, shall we drink a dish of tea with them? Come, sir, as you have a part in my play, you shall drink a dish with us. _I Play_. Sir, I dare not go into the green-room; my salary is not high enough: I shall be forfeited if I go in there. _Trap_. Pshaw! come along; your sister has merit enough for herself and you too: if they forfeit you, I'll warrant she'll take it off again. ACT II. SCENE I.--_Enter_ TRAPWIT, FUSTIAN, Prompter, Lord PLACE, Mrs and Miss Mayoress. _Trap_. I am afraid, Mr Fustian, you have hitherto suspected that I was a dabbler in low comedy; now, sir, you shall see some scenes of politeness and fine conversation among the ladies. Come, my lord, come, begin. _Place_. Pray, Mrs Mayoress, what do you think this lace cost a yard? _Fust_. A very pretty beginning of polite conversation, truly.