_Gom._ Do, do, look sillily, good colonel; 'tis a decent melancholy after an absolute defeat. _Lor._ Faith, not for that, clear Gomez; but-- _Gom._ But--no pumping, my dear colonel. _Lor._ Hang pumping! I was thinking a little upon a point of gratitude. We two have been long acquaintance; I know thy merits, and can make some interest;--Go to; thou wert born to authority; I'll make thee Alcaide, Mayor of Saragossa. _Gom._ Satisfy yourself; you shall not make me what you think, colonel. _Lor._ Faith, but I will; thou hast the face of a magistrate already. _Gom._ And you would provide me with a magistrate's head to my magistrate's face; I thank you, colonel. _Lor._ Come, thou art so suspicious upon an idle story! That woman I saw, I mean that little, crooked, ugly woman,--for t'other was a lie,--is no more thy wife,--As I'll go home with thee, and satisfy thee immediately, my dear friend. _Gom._ I shall not put you to that trouble; no, not so much as a single visit; not so much as an embassy by a civil old woman, nor a serenade of _twinkledum twinkledum_ under my windows; nay, I will advise you, out of my tenderness to your person, that you walk not near yon corner-house by night; for, to my certain knowledge, there are blunderbusses planted in every loop-hole, that go off constantly of their own accord, at the squeaking of a fiddle, and the thrumming of a guitar. _Lor._ Art thou so obstinate? Then I denounce open war against thee; I'll demolish thy citadel by force; or, at least, I'll bring my whole regiment upon thee; my thousand red locusts, that shall devour thee in free quarters. Farewell, wrought night-cap. [_Exit_ LORENZO. _Gom._ Farewell, Buff. Free quarters for a regiment of red-coat locusts? I hope to see them all in the Red-Sea first! But oh, this Jezabel of mine! I'll get a physician that shall prescribe her an ounce of camphire every morning, for her breakfast, to abate incontinency. She shall never peep abroad, no, not to church for confession; and, for never going, she shall be condemned for a heretic. She shall have stripes by Troy weight, and sustenance by drachms and scruples: Nay, I'll have a fasting almanack, printed on purpose for her use, in which No Carnival nor Christmas shall appear, But lents and ember-weeks shall fill the year. [_Exit._ ACT II. SCENE I.--_The Queen's Antechamber._ _Enter_ ALPHONSO _and_ PEDRO. _Alph._ When saw you my Lorenzo? _Ped._ I had a glimpse of him; but he shot by me, Like a young hound upon a burning scent; He's gone a harlot-hunting. _Alph._ His foreign breeding might have taught him better. _Ped._ 'Tis that has taught him this. What learn our youth abroad, but to refine The homely vices of their native land? Give me an honest home-spun country clown Of our own growth; his dulness is but plain, But theirs embroidered; they are sent out fools, But come back fops.