_Wood._ The maid will give warning, that is my comfort; for she is bribed on my side. I have another kind of love to this girl, than to either of the other two; but a fanatic's daughter, and the noose of matrimony, are such intolerable terms! O, here she comes, who will sell me better cheap. SCENE _opens to_ BRAINSICK'S _Apartment._ _Enter Mrs_ BRAINSICK. _Mrs Brain._ How now, sir? what impudence is this of yours, to approach my lodgings? _Wood._ You lately honoured mine; and it is the part of a well-bred man, to return your visit. _Mrs Brain._ If I could have imagined how base a fellow you had been, you should not then have been troubled with my company. _Wood._ How could I guess, that you intended me the favour, without first acquainting me? _Mrs Brain._ Could I do it, ungrateful as you are, with more obligation to you, or more hazard to myself, than by putting my note into your glove? _Wood._ Was it yours, then? I believed it came from Mrs Tricksy. _Mrs Brain._ You wished it so; which made you so easily believe it. I heard the pleasant dialogue betwixt you. _Wood._ I am glad you did; for you could not but observe, with how much care I avoided all occasions of railing at you; to which she urged me, like a malicious woman, as she was. _Mrs Brain._ By the same token, you vowed and swore never to look on Mrs Brainsick! _Wood._ But I had my mental reservations in a readiness. I had vowed fidelity to you before; and there went my second oath, i'faith: it vanished in a twinkling, and never gnawed my conscience in the least. _Mrs Brain._ Well, I shall never heartily forgive you. _Jud._ [_Within._] Mr Brainsick, Mr Brainsick, what do you mean, to make my lady lose her game thus? Pray, come back, and take up her cards again. _Mrs Brain._ My husband, as I live! Well, for all my quarrel to you, step immediately into that little dark closet: it is for my private occasions; there is no lock, but he will not stay. _Wood._ Thus am I ever tantalized! [_Goes in._ _Enter_ BRAINSICK. _Brain._ What, am I become your drudge? your slave? the property of all your pleasures? Shall I, the lord and master of your life, become subservient; and the noble name of husband be dishonoured? No, though all the cards were kings and queens, and Indies to be gained by every deal-- _Mrs Brain._ My dear, I am coming to do my duty. I did but go up a little, (I whispered you for what) and am returning immediately. _Brain._ Your sex is but one universal ordure, a nuisance, and incumbrance of that majestic creature, man: yet I myself am mortal too. Nature's necessities have called me up; produce your utensil of urine. _Mrs Brain._ It is not in the way, child: You may go down into the garden. _Brain._ The voyage is too far: though the way were paved with pearls and diamonds, every step of mine is precious, as the march of monarchs.