What vast prerogatives, my Gallus, are Accruing to the mighty man of war! For if into a lucky camp I light, } Though raw in arms, and yet afraid to fight, } Befriend me my good stars, and all goes right. } One happy hour is to a soldier better, Than mother Juno's[167] recommending letter, Or Venus, when to Mars she would prefer My suit, and own the kindness done to her.[168] See what our common privileges are; As, first, no saucy citizen shall dare To strike a soldier, nor, when struck, resent The wrong, for fear of farther punishment. Not though his teeth are beaten out, his eyes Hang by a string, in bumps his forehead rise, Shall he presume to mention his disgrace, Or beg amends for his demolished face. A booted judge shall sit to try his cause, Not by the statute, but by martial laws; Which old Camillus ordered, to confine The brawls of soldiers to the trench and line: A wise provision; and from thence 'tis clear, That officers a soldier's cause should hear; And taking cognizance of wrongs received, An honest man may hope to be relieved. So far 'tis well; but with a general cry, The regiment will rise in mutiny, The freedom of their fellow-rogue demand, And, if refused, will threaten to disband. Withdraw thy action, and depart in peace, The remedy is worse than the disease. This cause is worthy him, who in the hall Would for his fee, and for his client, bawl:[169] But would'st thou, friend, who hast two legs alone, (Which, heaven be praised, thou yet may'st call thy own,) Would'st thou to run the gauntlet these expose To a whole company of hob-nailed shoes?[170] Sure the good-breeding of wise citizens Should teach them more good-nature to their shins. Besides, whom canst thou think so much thy friend, Who dares appear thy business to defend? Dry up thy tears, and pocket up the abuse, } Nor put thy friend to make a bad excuse; } The judge cries out, "Your evidence produce." } Will he, who saw the soldier's mutton-fist, And saw thee mauled, appear within the list, To witness truth? When I see one so brave, The dead, think I, are risen from the grave; And with their long spade beards, and matted hair, Our honest ancestors are come to take the air. Against a clown, with more security, A witness may be brought to swear a lie, Than, though his evidence be full and fair, To vouch a truth against a man of war. More benefits remain, and claimed as rights, Which are a standing army's perquisites. If any rogue vexatious suits advance Against me for my known inheritance, Enter by violence my fruitful grounds, Or take the sacred land-mark[171] from my bounds,