The Works of Robert Louis Stevenson - Swanston Edition, Vol. 05Stevenson, Robert Louis
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The Works of Robert Louis Stevenson - Swanston Edition, Vol. 05
Stevenson, Robert Louis
English literature -- 19th century; Fiction
I was born in the year 18-- to a large fortune, endowed besides with
excellent parts, inclined by nature to industry, fond of the respect of
the wise and good among my fellow-men, and thus, as might have been
supposed, with every guarantee of an honourable and distinguished
future. And indeed the worst of my faults was a certain impatient gaiety
of disposition such as has made the happiness of many, but such as I
found it hard to reconcile with my imperious desire to carry my head
high, and wear a more than commonly grave countenance before the public.
Hence it came about that I concealed my pleasures; and that when I
reached years of reflection, and began to look round me and take stock
of my progress and position in the world, I stood already committed to a
profound duplicity of life. Many a man would have even blazoned such
irregularities as I was guilty of; but from the high views that I had
set before me, I regarded and hid them with an almost morbid sense of
shame. It was thus rather the exacting nature of my aspirations than any
particular degradation in my faults, that made me what I was, and, with
even a deeper trench than in the majority of men, severed in me those
provinces of good and ill which divide and compound man's dual nature.
In this case, I was driven to reflect deeply and inveterately on that
hard law of life, which lies at the root of religion and is one of the
most plentiful springs of distress. Though so profound a double-dealer,
I was in no sense a hypocrite; both sides of me were in dead earnest; I
was no more myself when I laid aside restraint and plunged in shame,
than when I laboured, in the eye of day, at the furtherance of
knowledge or the relief of sorrow and suffering. And it chanced that the
direction of my scientific studies, which led wholly towards the mystic
and the transcendental, reacted and shed a strong light on this
consciousness of the perennial war among my members. With every day, and
from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, I
thus drew steadily nearer to that truth, by whose partial discovery I
have been doomed to such a dreadful shipwreck: that man is not truly
one, but truly two. I say two, because the state of my own knowledge
does not pass beyond that point. Others will follow, others will
outstrip me on the same lines; and I hazard the guess that man will be
ultimately known for a mere polity of multifarious, incongruous and
independent denizens. I for my part, from the nature of my life,
advanced infallibly in one direction, and in one direction only. It was
on the moral side, and in my own person, that I learned to recognise the
thorough and primitive duality of man; I saw that of the two natures
that contended in the field of my consciousness, even if I could rightly
be said to be either, it was only because I was radically both; and from
an early date, even before the course of my scientific discoveries had
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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