"_P.S._--Our figure was seven per cent. O, what a fall was there!
Well, well, it's past mending; I don't want to whine. But, Loudon, I
don't want to live. No more ambition; all I ask is life. I have so
much to make it sweet to me. I am clerking, and _useless at that_. I
know I would have fired such a clerk inside of forty minutes in _my_
time. But _my_ time's over. I can only cling on to you. Don't fail
"JIM PINKERTON."
There was yet one more postscript, yet one more outburst of self-pity
and pathetic adjuration; and a doctor's opinion, unpromising enough,
was besides enclosed. I pass them both in silence. I think shame to have
shown at so great length the half-baked virtues of my friend dissolving
in the crucible of sickness and distress; and the effect upon my spirits
can be judged already. I got to my feet when I had done, drew a deep
breath, and stared hard at Honolulu. One moment the world seemed at an
end, the next I was conscious of a rush of independent energy. On Jim I
could rely no longer; I must now take hold myself. I must decide and act
on my own better thoughts.
The word was easy to say; the thing, at the first blush, was
undiscoverable. I was overwhelmed with miserable, womanish pity for my
broken friend; his outcries grieved my spirit; I saw him then and
now--then, so invincible; now, brought so low--and knew neither how to
refuse nor how to consent to his proposal. The remembrance of my father,
who had fallen in the same field unstained, the image of his monument
incongruously raising a fear of the law, a chill air that seemed to blow
upon my fancy from the doors of prisons, and the imaginary clank of
fetters, recalled me to a different resolve. And then, again, the wails
of my sick partner intervened. So I stood hesitating, and yet with a
strong sense of capacity behind, sure, if I could but choose my path,
that I should walk in it with resolution.
Then I remembered that I had a friend on board, and stepped to the
companion.
"Gentlemen," said I, "only a few moments more: but these, I regret to
say, I must make more tedious still by removing your companion. It is
indispensable that I should have a word or two with Captain Nares."
Both the smugglers were afoot at once, protesting. The business, they
declared, must be despatched at once; they had run risk enough, with a
conscience, and they must either finish now, or go.
"The choice is yours, gentlemen," said I, "and, I believe, the
eagerness. I am not yet sure that I have anything in your way; even if I
have, there are a hundred things to be considered; and I assure yow it
is not at all my habit to do business with a pistol to my head."
"That is all very proper, Mr. Dodd; there is no wish to coerce you,
believe me," said Fowler; "only, please consider our position. It is
really dangerous; we were not the only people to see your schooner off
Waimanolo."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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