The Works of Samuel Johnson, in Sixteen Volumes. Volume 04Johnson, Samuel
Philosophy
The Works of Samuel Johnson, in Sixteen Volumes. Volume 04
Johnson, Samuel
Essays
It was yet not so bad with me, as that I needed
to solicit surety for thirty pounds: yet partly from
the greediness that extravagance always produces,
and partly from a desire of seeing the humour of a
petty usurer, a character of which I had hitherto
lived in ignorance, I condescended to listen to his
terms. He proceeded to inform me of my great
felicity in not falling into the hands of an
extortioner; and assured me, that I should find him
extremely moderate in his demands: he was not,
indeed, certain that he could furnish me with the
whole sum, for people were at this particular time
extremely pressing and importunate for money:
yet, as I had the appearance of a gentleman, he
would try what he could do, and give me his answer
in three days.
At the expiration of the time, I called upon him
again; and was again informed of the great demand
for money, and that, "money was money now:" he
then advised me to be punctual in my payment, as
that might induce him to befriend me hereafter;
and delivered me the money, deducting at the rate
of five and thirty per cent. with another panegyrick
upon his own moderation.
I will not tire you with the various practices of
usurious oppression; but cannot omit my transaction
with Squeeze on Tower-hill, who, finding me a
young man of considerable expectations, employed
an agent to persuade me to borrow five hundred
pounds, to be refunded by an annual payment of
twenty per cent. during the joint lives of his
daughter Nancy Squeeze and myself. The negociator
came prepared to enforce his proposal with all his
art; but, finding that I caught his offer with the
eagerness of necessity, he grew cold and languid;
"he had mentioned it out of kindness; he would
try to serve me: Mr. Squeeze was an honest man,
but extremely cautious." In three days he came
to tell me, that his endeavours had been ineffectual,
Mr. Squeeze having no good opinion of my
life; but that there was one expedient remaining:
Mrs. Squeeze could influence her husband, and
her good will might be gained by a compliment.
I waited that afternoon on Mrs. Squeeze, and
poured out before her the flatteries which usually
gain access to rank and beauty: I did not then
know, that there are places in which the only
compliment is a bribe. Having yet credit with a
jeweller, I afterwards procured a ring of thirty guineas,
which I humbly presented, and was soon admitted
to a treaty with Mr. Squeeze. He appeared peevish
and backward, and my old friend whispered me,
that he would never make a dry bargain: I therefore
invited him to a tavern. Nine times we met on
the affair; nine times I paid four pounds for the
supper and claret; and nine guineas I gave the
agent for good offices. I then obtained the money,
paying ten per cent. advance; and at the tenth
meeting gave another supper, and disbursed fifteen
pounds for the writings.
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