(Then silence was proclaimed and the gods cast a secret ballot. It turned out that Marcus had most of the votes. After conferring apart with his father,(675) Zeus bade Hermes make a proclamation as follows: “Know all ye mortals who have entered this contest, that according to our laws and decrees the victor is allowed to exult but the vanquished must not complain. Depart then wherever you please, and in future live every one of you under the guidance of the gods. Let every man choose his own guardian and guide.” After this announcement, Alexander hastened to Heracles, and Octavian to Apollo, but Marcus attached himself closely to Zeus and Kronos. Caesar wandered about for a long time and ran hither and thither, till mighty Ares and Aphrodite took pity on him and summoned him to them. Trajan hastened to Alexander and sat down near him. As for Constantine, he could not discover among the gods the model of his own career, but when he caught sight of Pleasure, who was not far off, he ran to her. She received him tenderly and embraced him, then after dressing him in raiment of many colours and otherwise making him beautiful, she led him away to Incontinence. There too he found Jesus, who had taken up his abode with her and cried aloud to all comers: “He that is a seducer, he that is a murderer, he that is sacrilegious and infamous, let him approach without fear! For with this water will I wash him and will straightway make him clean. And though he should be guilty of those same sins a second time, let him but smite his breast and beat his head and I will make him clean again.” To him Constantine came gladly, when he had conducted his sons forth from the assembly of the gods. But the avenging deities none the less punished both him and them for their impiety, and exacted the penalty for the shedding of the blood of their kindred,(676) until Zeus granted them a respite for the sake of Claudius and Constantius.(677)) [C] Σοὶ δέ, πρὸς ἡμᾶς λέγων ὁ Ἑρμῆς, δέδωκα τὸν πατέρα Μίθραν ἐπιγνῶναι· σὺ δ᾽ αὐτοῦ τῶν ἐντολῶν ἔχου, πεῖσμα καὶ ὅρμον ἀσφαλῆ ζῶντί τε σεαυτῷ παρασκευάζων, καὶ ἡνίκα ἂν ἐνθένδε ἀπιέναι δέῃ, μετὰ τῆς ἀγαθῆς ἐλπίδος ἡγεμόνα θεὸν εὐμενῆ καθιστὰς σεαυτῷ. (“As for thee,” Hermes said to me, “I have granted thee the knowledge of thy father Mithras. Do thou keep his commandments, and thus secure for thyself a cable and sure anchorage throughout thy life, and when thou must depart from the world thou canst with good hopes adopt him as thy guardian god.”) MISOPOGON, OR, BEARD‐HATER Introduction