7. Hence, lastly, I am taught what estimate to make of those good inclinations with which some are said to be born. Either they are the early effects of preventing grace; or, of education, custom, occasional restraints, and freedom from temptation. A natural temper may be easily influenced by some of these, and by the constitution of the body, to a distaste of those grosser sins which makes the most noise in the world. Yet all this is but sin under a disguise: and the odds is not great. The one sort of sinners promise good fruit, but deceive; whereas the openly profane forbid expectation. And yet of this last sort more receive the gospel than of the former. _Verily I say unto you, the publicans and harlots go into the kingdom of God before you._ CHAPTER II. _An account of the next two years of his life._ 1. IN May 1685, I went with my mother into Holland, and being in some danger while we were at sea, my conscience, till then asleep, began to awaken, and to be terrified with apprehensions of death. But all this concern was nothing more than natural fear, and a selfish desire of preservation. I was unwilling to die, and afraid of hell: it was not sin, but the consequence of it I wanted to escape. The glory of God I was not concerned for at all; and accordingly was the event. I promised, that were I at land, I would keep all his commands. My mother told me, it would not hold. But I was too ignorant of my own heart to believe her: I multiplied engagements, and doubted not but I should perform them. But no sooner was I fixed at Rotterdam, than I forgot all my promises and resolutions. The unrenewed heart being free from the force put upon it, fell again into its old course. Nay, I grew still worse: the corruption that stopped for awhile, now ran with greater violence. It is true, my awe for my mother, and the power of education, still restrained me from open sins. But to many secret things I was strongly inclined, and in many instances followed my inclinations: being a ready and easy prey to every temptation, notwithstanding all my engagements.