“Thou, O Lord, didst turn me about towards myself; and tookest me from behind my back, where I had placed me, whilst I had no mind to observe myself, that I might see how deformed a thing I was; covered over with scabs and ulcers: and I beheld, and abhorred.――But I, then a wretched young man, had in the first dawning of my youth, begged of thee chastity; and had said, _Give me chastity; but yet awhile do not give it_. For I feared thou shouldst hear me too soon, and presently heal me of that disease and concupiscence which I wished, rather might be satiated than extinguished.――But now was the day come, in which I was laid naked to myself, and my conscience began to reproach me.――――I was inwardly corroded, and extremely confounded.” “――Amidst this great controversy within, which I hotly disputed with my soul, troubled as well in countenance as in mind,――my eyes, forehead, cheeks, colour, the accent of my voice more spoke my passion than words could.――There was a little garden belonging to my lodging, which I had the use of. Thither this tumult in my breast carried me away, where none might hinder the hot contention which was engaged within me, until concluded in that issue, which thou already knewest, but not I. Only I was in suffering a death that would beget life: well knowing what evil I then was; not knowing what good, within a little while, I was to be.――I fretted my spirit, whilst all my bones cried out.――――From whence such a monster? Let thy mercy enlighten me, and let me enquire, Whence such a monster? and how can this be?――――” “Thus I was accusing myself much more severely than formerly, and winding to and fro in my chain; a small piece only of which now held me; yet held me still. And thou, O Lord, pressedst sore upon me in mine inner parts, with a severe mercy, redoubling the lashes of fear and shame.――And the point of time, in which I was to become another man, as it approached nearer, struck me with more horror. Yet it did not make me to recoil, or turn away; but only to stand in a suspense.” *“Such was the contest acted within my heart.――But as soon as more profound meditation had drawn out, from the very bottom of this sink, and laid on an heap, all my misery before the view of my soul; there arose in me a mighty tempest, bringing with it great showers of tears.――I, under a certain fig-tree, threw down myself, I know not how, and gave liberty to my tears; and the rivers of my eyes ran a-pace. And I said, _Thou, Lord, how long? How long wilt thou be angry, for ever? Remember not my former iniquities_, Psalms lxxix. 5, 8. For I well perceived I was still possessed, and with-held by them, and therefore cast out such miserable complaints, _How long? How long? To-morrow, and to-morrow? Why not presently? Why not this very hour, an end to my filthiness._”