*Saturday, October 11. Towards night I was seized with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, and much pain: I was treated with great kindness and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a creature. I was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive with regard to life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to me, to think that it was not my business to determine whether I should live or die. I likewise felt peculiarly satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder; being now fully convinced of my being unable to perform my work. Oh how precious is time! And how guilty it makes me feel, when I think I have trifled away and misemployed it, or neglected to fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability! October 19. I was willing either to die or live; but found it hard to think of living useless. Oh that I might never live to be a burden to God’s creation; but that I might be allowed to repair home, when my sojourning work is done! Friday, October 24. I spent the day in overseeing and directing my people about mending their fence, and securing their wheat. I was somewhat refreshed in the evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day time. Oh, how it pains me, to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any purpose! Saturday, October 25. I visited some of my people: spent some time in writing, and felt much better in body than usual: when it was near night I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expounding: but in the evening was much disordered again, and spent the night in coughing, and spitting of blood. Lord’s-day, October 26. In the morning I was exceeding weak, and spent the day till near night, in pain to see my poor people wandering as _sheep not having a shepherd_. But towards night finding myself a little better, I called them together to my house and sat down, and read and expounded Matthew v. 1‒16. This discourse, though delivered in much weakness, was attended with power; especially what was spoken upon the last of these verses, where I insisted on the infinite wrong done to religion, by having our _light_ become _darkness_, instead of _shining before men_. As many were deeply affected with a sense of their deficiency, in regard of spiritual conversation, and a spirit of concern and watchfulness seemed to be excited in them; so there was one that had fallen into drunkenness, sometime before, who was now deeply convinced of his sin, and discovered a great degree of concern on that account. My soul was refreshed to see this. And though I had no strength to speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie down on the bed: yet I rejoiced to see such an humble melting in the congregation; and that divine truths, though faintly delivered, were attended with so much efficacy.