Tuesday, July 3. This morning, I was enabled to pray under a feeling sense of my need of help, to plead with God a considerable time. Truly God is good to me. But my soul was grieved at my sinfulness and ♦barrenness, and longed to be more engaged for God. O it is sweet to be _the Lord’s_, to be sensibly devoted to him! What a blessed portion is God! How glorious, how lovely! O my soul longed to employ my time wholly for God!――In the evening, I was enabled again to wrestle with God in prayer with fervency to maintain a self-diffident and watchful frame of spirit, jealous and afraid lest I should admit carelessness or self-confidence. ♦ “barreness” replaced with “barrenness” Friday, July 6. I am of late, most of all concerned for ministerial qualifications, and the conversion of the Heathen; last year, I longed to be prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out of this world; but of late, my chief concern is for the conversion of the Heathen, and for that end, I long to live. But blessed be God, I have less desire to live for any of the pleasures of the world, than ever I had: I long and love to be a pilgrim; and want grace to imitate the life, labours and sufferings of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when I long for holiness now, it is chiefly, that whereby I may become an “able minister of the New Testament,” especially to the Heathen. I spent two hours this morning in reading and prayer; and was in a watchful tender frame, afraid of every thing that might cool my affections, and draw away my heart from God. *Lord’s day, July 8. I was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own heart, lest I should admit carelessness and vain thoughts, and grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw his sweet, kind, and tender influences. I longed to “depart, and be with Christ,” more than at any time of late. My soul was exceedingly united to the saints of antient times, as well as those now living; especially my soul melted for the society of Elijah and Elisha. Wednesday, July 11. My soul was diffident, watchful, and tender, lest I should offend my blessed Friend, in thought or behaviour. I confided in, and leaned upon the blessed God. Oh, what need did I see myself to stand in of God at all times, to assist me and lead me!