But alas! the Comforter was _as a guest that tarrieth but a day_. She soon gave place to the reasoning devil, who asked, _How can these things be_? “How can you be justified, so vile a sinner as you? You only deceive yourself! Hath God for Christ’s sake forgiven you? He hath not surely forgiven you.” By such suggestions he well-nigh tore away her shield. All the comfort of her faith, all her peace and joy in believing he did entirely spoil her of; God so permitting it, to try her, and prove her, and shew her what was in her heart, that he might do her good in her latter end. He hid his face from her, and she was troubled. “I will allure her, said God, and bring her into the wilderness.” Here she long wandered out of the way, in a barren and dry land, where no water was. The poor and needy sought water, and there was none, and her tongue failed for thirst. She could truly say with the prophet, _Verily thou art a God that hidest thyself_. Or, with the patient man, _Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive him; on the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him; he hideth himself on the right hand, ♦that I cannot see him_. Her bones were smitten asunder, as with a sword, while the enemy said unto her, “Where is now thy God? Where is now thy faith? Thou art a thousand times worse than ever.” ♦ “but” replaced with “that” per Errata So indeed she seemed to herself, when sin _appeared_ sin. God was now uncovering her heart, and convincing her of original sin. The _old man of sin_ was more and more revealed, till at last she saw that her _inward parts were very wickedness, and every imagination of the thoughts of her heart only evil continually_. She had no power to pray or praise, or so much as to think one good thought, and at the same time was so torn and distracted with doubts and fears, that she dispaired even of life. That thought above all tormented her, “What would become of me, if I should die in this darkness? Without holiness no one shall see the Lord.” At other times she had a faint persuasion, that God would finish his work before he called her hence. She durst not say she had faith, or any interest in Christ; and yet she could not give it up. One little spark of hope lay as at the very bottom of her heart; which was Christ’s hold of her. He would not quit his purchase, or let her go. Even this was often a great trouble to her, that she could not fear death as formerly; (for this fear was entirely cast out the first moment she was sensible of her justification). And, whenever she had the least comfort or peace, she started back as it were, and feared to take hold of it, suspecting that she was falling asleep again, and resting without Christ. She went mourning all the day long, and refused to be comforted, because he was not.