Monday 16. I was much cast down, by receiving a letter from my dear mamma, containing a melancholy account of the situation of my dear papa’s health: but in the midst of my anxiety, I found a great confidence in God: so that most of my uneasiness was upon his account. Lord, strengthen, comfort, and bless him for Jesus’s sake. The two following days my mind was much hurried by the confusion the house has been in; nevertheless I have been constant in private duty, and have generally found it good to draw nigh to God. O what a God have we to deal with, and yet I cannot find a heart to love him. Lord, soften this obdurate heart, and give me an heart to love thee; for this thou knowest is all my desire. Tuesday 24. All this week I have been in a very disagreeable frame, being neither in earnest for my soul, nor quite forgetful of it. I have been constant in private duties, tho’ I am often fearful that I am only drawing nigh to God with my lips; but on Saturday, my soul was much blest under Mr. _R――――_’s preaching: his text was in _Romans viii. 17, 18_. _And if children then heirs_, &c. My desires were exceedingly earnest to be made a partaker of those glorious privileges of the sons of God. O Lord, when shall I be one of thy children? Sunday 29. In the morning Mr. _R――――_’s text was in _Romans viii. 32_. _He that spared not his own son_, &c. O these encouraging, these heart reviving words! Why, O my soul art thou so backward to believe the promises of God? Surely he is not a man, that can deceive thee. O then believe the record true. Then, and not till then, shalt thou experience real happiness. Monday, July 7. All this week my soul has been cold and dead, and I (to my shame and grief) have been too negligent in private duties. How truly may it be said the way of sin is down hill? I was hindered from prayer one day at my usual hour, and almost every day afterwards, something happened just at that time to keep me from that duty. I observe that if I neglect it one day, I am sure to do the same for several days running. Lord, help me to be watchful, seeing my subtle adversary is ever watching to betray me into sin, either of omission or commission. Sunday 13. I found a small degree of life in private prayer, which was the only duty I was quickened in this day. Lord help me out of this stupid state! On Thursday evening my uncle preached on _Matthew xiii. 46_. _Who when he had found one pearl of great price_, &c. O that the Lord would enable me instantly to part with all, and purchase this pearl! All this week my soul has been in the same lukewarm state, and yet generally quickened in private prayer, especially one evening I had such a discovery of the love of God to sinners, that I was almost enabled to believe he died for me.