*Monday, July 6. My mind was much distressed this day by that fear which love alone casts out, (the fear of death.) What particularly brought me to reflect upon it at this time, was a dream which Mrs. _L――――r_ had had concerning me; at first I prayed earnestly that the Lord would spare my life, being excessively frightened at the thought of dying: but afterwards I began to consider, what if my request should be granted in wrath, ♦as when the _Israelites_ prayed for meat? What would become of me then? Perhaps the Lord sees, if I live I shall dishonour him; be a scandal to my profession; a reproach to the people among whom I am; and a grief to my parents. Now if the Lord should take me from the evil to come, should prevent me from doing, as well as suffering evil, by taking me to himself, what cause of complaint should I have? Surely none, nay it would be matter of rejoicing to all eternity: besides should none of these things happen, but were I sure of gliding thro’ this world easily and pleasantly; would it not ♠be better to reach the destined haven, without putting to sea at all; or at least with a very short, and as yet a pleasant passage! Did any ever think it was too soon to go to heaven? Surely no. No such complaints were ever made by one soul that got thither at all. But alas! I am unwilling to part with life, because I know not where I shall go. O! “Who can tell me if this strife, In heaven or hell shall end?” ♦ “as” replaced with “as when” per Errata ♠ “better” replaced with “be better” per Errata Lord shall my soul be carried by angels into _Abraham_’s bosom, or hurried by fiends into endless torments! Lord ’tis true, I am a great sinner; but Jesus is an Almighty Saviour. I entirely renounce all dependence upon myself. “This all my hope, and all my plea, For me the Saviour died.” Yes, my dearest Jesus thou did’st die for me: then I may be saved. Lord _I believe; help thou mine unbelief_. In the evening Mr. _H――――n_ gave an account of the life and death of Mr. _P――――l G――――d_, an eminent and useful preacher; and then gave out these lines, in which I joined with my whole heart: “O may we thus our parting breath, Into the Saviour’s hand resign: O Jesus, let me die his death, And let his latter end be mine.” We came home twenty minutes before ten, and I fell asleep with the same serious impressions on my spirit, which also lasted most part of the next day, and for several days after.