3. For three weeks I remained exceeding happy. My lamp was lighted, and I had oil in my vessel. The scriptures were opened to me, and were spirit and life: in the Lord’s supper I found the peace that passeth all understanding. None can express the excellency of the virtue which flows from the merits of Christ. I was grafted into the vine, and thereby enabled to _draw water out of the wells of salvation_. Yet I found, there was much in me contrary to the will of God. I had not all the mind that was in Christ. Nay, there remained much of the carnal mind. There was enmity, and strife, and vainglory, which soon embittered my sweets. My heart was bent to backsliding, and continually ready to comply with the suggestions of Satan. I gave way to evil reasoning, which caused peevishness and impatience: and these ate the life of God out of my soul. I could not _endure hardness_: in every storm I was ready to give up my confidence. I could not love God with an undivided heart. It was my desire, to praise him without ceasing: but I could not perform it, for some hindrance was still coming in the way. The Lord often refreshed me by the way: but this did not satisfy. What I wanted was, to have my heart entirely devoted to him. But I found there remained in me a root of bitterness, a stubborn will, and a diabolical nature, capable of committing all manner of wickedness, were it not for restraining grace. Yet I had no light into the scriptures, so as to divide the word, and make a distinction between the justifying and the sanctifying promises. So I was content to be a babe, if my inward corruptions would have let me be at peace. Yea, I had in my heart an utter aversion to the doctrine of entire sanctification, and found all the enmity in me rose against those who spoke of experiencing it. One day hearing a preacher say, we could not live many hours after we were sanctified, my heart readily joined with him. But presently I was struck with those words, _Without holiness no man shall see the Lord_. I fain would have stifled this conviction. At least, I cared not to think of it yet. I thought, Why it is but thirteen months since I was justified. And need I think of being sanctified already? However, if ever I should be, none shall ever know it. But the light increased more and more, and my desires at the same time, till I hungred and thirsted vehemently for something, but I knew not what. One day I was constrained to come unto the Lord, and was seized with an awful sense of his Majesty. I trembled, and for some moments was as in a silent darkness. I was ready to cry, Whither am I going? For it seemed, as if he was going to strike the blow, and send me to everlasting destruction. But I found a spark of light, and cried, “Where is my Jesus? He can _save to the uttermost_.” Presently I cried, “Lord, come quickly!” Yet I had a dread of his coming; for it appeared, as if something strange was going to happen to me. But I said, “Lord, thou prayest for me: O