As people know that have been used to battle, In springing either mine or mill, you spring A precious rattle! The dunniest heard it--poor old Mr. F. Doubted for once if he was ever deaf; Through Tunbridge town it caused most strange alarms; Mr. and Mrs. Fogg, Who lived like cat and dog, Were shocked for once into each other’s arms. Miss M. the milliner--her fright so strong, Made a great gobble-stitch six inches long; The veriest quakers quaked against their wish; The “Best of Sons” was taken unawares, And kick’d the “Best of Parents” down the stairs; The steadiest servant dropped the China dish; A thousand started, though there was but one Fated to win, and that was Mr. Dunn, Who struck convulsively, and hooked a fish! Miss Wiggins, with some grass upon her fork, Toss’d it just like a hay-maker at work; Her sister not in any better case, For taking wine, With nervous Mr. Pyne, He jerked his glass of Sherry in her face. Poor Mistress Davy, Bobb’d off her bran-new turban in the gravy: While Mr. Davy at the lower end, Preparing for a Goose a carver’s labour, Darted his two-pronged weapon in his neighbour, As if for once he meant to help a friend. The nurse-maid telling little “Jack-a-Norey,” “Bo-peep” and “Blue-cap” at the house’s top, Scream’d, and let Master Jeremiah drop From a fourth story! Nor yet did matters any better go With Cook and Housemaid in the realms below; As for the Laundress, timid Martha Gunning, Expressing faintness and her fear by fits And starts,--she came at last but to her wits, By falling in the ale that John left running. Grave Mr. Miles, the meekest of mankind, Struck all at once deaf, stupid, dumb, and blind, Sat in his chaise some moments like a corse, Then coming to his mind, Was shocked to find, Only a pair of shafts without a horse. Out scrambled all the Misses from Miss Joy’s! From Prospect House, for urchins small and big, Hearing the awful noise, Out rushed a flood of boys, Floating a man in black, without a wig;-- Some carried out one treasure, some another,-- Some caught their tops and taws up in a hurry, Some saved Chambaud, some rescued Lindley Murray, But little Tiddy carried his big brother! [Illustration: A NON SEQUITUR.]