The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
Now four of these desperadoes having met together at the Dolphin in
Deptford, they laid a plot together to rob a certain lone mansion house
which stood betwixt the Thames marshes and the Forest of Hainault, and
which was left in the charge of only one man, the family being gone
off to another mansion house in the county of Wiltshire, for the sake
of a more wholesome air. And the manner of the plot was this: one of
the villains going in a feigned voice was to knock at the front-door
and beg piteously for a night’s shelter, and then the door, being
opened, the other knaves were to rush in and bind the serving-man, or
murther him, as might seem best, and so taking his keys they were to
ransack the house, where they expected to find a good store of plate.
Accordingly, one Friday, at the dead of the night, they set forth,
having for leader a fellow that was named Blackface, by reason of a
vizard which he wore always on such errands, diverting themselves by
the way with laying out each man his share of the booty in the manner
that pleased him best, wine and the women of Lewkener’s Lane coming
in you may be sure for the main burthen of the song. At last they
entered the fore-court of the house which they were to rob, and which
was as silent as death, and as dark, excepting a glimmer from one
window towards the top. Blackface then, as agreed upon, began to beat
at the door, but being flushed with drink, instead of entreating for
an entrance, he shouted out to the serving-man, bidding him with many
terrible oaths to come down and to render up his keys, for that they
were come to relieve him of his charge.
“In the name of God, my masters,” cried the serving-man from the
window, “what do you want here?”
“We are come,” returned Blackface, “to relieve you of your trust, so
throw us down your keys.”
“An that be all,” said the serving-man, whose name was Adams, “wait but
a little while and you shall have the keys and my place to boot. Come
again but a few hours hence, and you shall find me dead, when you may
do with me and my trust as you list.”
“Come, come,” cries Blackface, “no preaching, but come down and open,
or we will bring fire and faggot to the door.”
“Ye shall not need,” answered Adams, “hearken only to what I say, and
you shall have free passage; but I give you fair warning, though I
be but a single man, and without weapon, and sick even unto death,
yet shall your coming in cost you as many lives as ye bear amongst
you, for within these walls there is a dismal giant that hath slain
his thousands, even the plague.” At these dreary words the courage of
the robbers was taken somewhat aback, but Blackface spirited them on,
saying it was no doubt an invention to deter them from the spoil.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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