The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
“Now,” said he, “though ye came hither with robbery, and perchance
murder in your hearts, against me, yet as a true Christian will I
not only forgive your wicked intents, but advise you how to shun
that miserable end which my own life is coming to so very suddenly.
Although your souls have been saved from sin, yet, doubtless ye have
not stood so long in this infected air without peril to the health of
your bodies, wherefore, by the advice of a dying man, go straightway
from this over to Laytonstone, where there be tan pits, and sit there
for a good hour amidst the strong smell of the tan, and which hath
more virtue as a remedy against the infection of the plague, than even
tobacco or the odour of drugs. Do this and live, for the poison is
strong and subtle, and seizeth, ere one can be aware, on the springs
of life.” Thereupon he uttered a dismal groan, and began yelling so
fearfully that the robbers with one accord took to flight, and never
stopped till they were come to Laytonstone, and into the tanner’s
very yard, where they sat down and stooped over the pit, snuffing up
the odours with all the relish of men in whose nostrils it was as the
breath of life. In which posture they had been sitting half an hour,
when there entered several persons with a lantern, and which they took
to be the tanner and his men, and to whom, therefore, they addressed
themselves, begging pardon for their boldness, and entreating leave to
continue awhile in the tan-yard to disinfect themselves of the plague;
but they had hardly uttered these words, when lo! each man was suddenly
seized upon, and bound in a twinkling, the constables, for such they
were, jeering them withal, and saying the plague had been too busy to
come itself, but had sent them a gallows and a halter instead, which
would serve their turn. Whereupon, most of the rogues became very
chop-fallen, but Blackface swore he could die easy but for one thing
upon his mind, and that was, what had become of the dead child and the
man dying of the plague, both of which he had seen with his own eyes.
Hereupon, the man with a lantern turned the light upon his own face,
which the rogues knew directly to be the countenance of Adams himself,
but without any of those black rings round the eyes, and for which
he explained he had been indebted to a little charcoal. “As for the
dead child,” he said, “you must enquire, my masters, of the worshipful
company of Barber Surgeons, and they will tell you of a certain waxen
puppet of Hygeia, the Goddess of Health, which used to be carried at
their pageants, and when it fell into disuse was purchased of them by
my Lady Dame Ellinor Wood, for a plaything to her own children. So one
head you see is worth four pair of hands, and your whole gang, tall,
and strong knaves though you be, have been overmatched by one old man
and a doll.”
[Illustration: LA TRAPPE.]
[Illustration: FANCY PORTRAIT--MADAME HENGLER.]
ODE TO MADAME HENGLER,
FIREWORK-MAKER TO VAUXHALL.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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