The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
The elder Miss Rumbold--the parents were out of town--was not idle
in the mean time. She packed all the little R.’s off to bed--(I did
not see them have any supper)--and then, having got rid of the family
branches, began on the tin ones. She had fixed her head quarters in
the drawing-room, from whence I saw Caroline and Henry detached, with
separate parcels of tins and candles, to do the same office for the
floors above and below. But no such luck! After a while, the street
door gently opened, and forth sneaked the two deserters, of course to
see better illuminations than their own. At the slam of the door behind
them Miss Rumbold comprehended the full calamity: first, she threw up
her arms, then her eyes, then clenched her teeth and then her hands;
going through all the pantomime for distress of mind--but she had no
time for grieving, and indeed but little for rejoicing. Mr. Wix’s was
beginning to glitter. Tearing up and down stairs like a lamplighter on
his ladder, she furnished all the blank windows, and then returned to
the drawing-room; and what was evidently her favourite fancy, she had
completed and hung up two festoons of artificial flowers; but alas!
her stock on hand fell short a whole foot of the third window--I am
afraid for want of the very bouquet in Caroline’s bonnet. Removing the
unfortunate garlands, she rushed out full speed, and the next moment I
saw her in the story above, rapidly unpapering her curls, and making
herself as fit as time allowed, to sit in state in the drawing-room, by
the light of twenty-seven long sixes.
[Illustration: ALL AT SIXES AND SEVENS.]
A violent uproar now recalled my attention to Number 29, where the mob
had begun to call out to Miss Winter for her Northern Lights. Miss W.
was at her post, and rushed with her rush to comply with the demand;
but a sudden twitter of nervousness aggravating her old palsy, she
could not persuade her wavering taper to alight on any one of the
cottons. There was a deal of coquetting indeed between wick and wick,
but nothing like a mutual flame. In vain the thin lover-like candle
kept hovering over its intended, and shedding tears of grease at every
repulse; not a glimmer replied to its glance, till at last, weary of
love and light, it fairly leaped out of its tin socket, and drowned its
own twinkle in a tall jelly-glass. The patience of the mob, already
of a thin texture, was torn to rags by this conclusion; they saw that
if she would, Miss Winter never _could_ illuminate: but as this was
an unwelcome truth, they broke it to her with a volley of stones that
destroyed her little Vauxhall in a moment, and in a twinkle left her
nothing to twinkle with!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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