Heav’n bless the man who first devised a mail! Heav’n bless that public pile which stands concealing The Goldsmiths’ front with such a solid veil! Heav’n bless the Master, and Sir Francis Freeling, The drags, the nags, the leading or the wheeling, The whips, the guards, the horns, the coats of scarlet, The boxes, bags, those evening bells a-pealing! Heav’n bless, in short, each posting thing, and varlet That helps a Werter to a sigh from Charlotte. So felt Lorenzo as he oped the sheet, Where, first, the darling signature he kiss’d, And then, recurring to its contents sweet With thirsty eyes, a phrase I must enlist, He _gulp’d_ the words to hasten to their gist; In mortal ecstasy his soul was bound-- When, lo! with features all at once a-twist, He gave a whistle, wild enough in sound To summon Faustus’s Infernal Hound! Alas! what little miffs and tiffs in love, A snubbish word, or pouting look mistaken, Will loosen screws with sweethearts hand and glove, Oh! love, rock firm when chimney-pots were shaken, A pettish breath will into huffs awaken, To spit like hump-back’d cats, and snarling Towzers! Till hearts are wreck’d and founder’d, and forsaken, As ships go to Old Davy, Lord knows how, Sirs, While heav’n is blue enough for Dutchmen’s trowsers! “The moon’s at full, love, and I think of you”-- Who would have thought that such a kind P.S. Could make a man turn white, then red, then blue, Then black, and knit his eyebrows and compress His teeth, as if about to effervesce Like certain people when they lose at whist! So look’d the chafed Lorenzo, ne’ertheless, And, in a trice, the paper he had kiss’d Was crumpled like a snowball in his fist! Ah! had he been less versed in scientifics, More ignorant, in short, of what is what: He ne’er had flared up in such calorifics; But he _would_ seek societies, and trot To clubs, Mechanics’ institutes, and got With Birkbeck--Bartley--Combe--George Robins--Rennie, And other lecturing men. And had he not That work, of weekly parts, which sells so many, The Copper-bottomed Magazine--or “Penny?” But, of all learned pools whereon, or in, Men dive like dabchicks, or like swallows skim, Some hardly damp’d, some wetted to the skin, Some drown’d like pigs when they attempt to swim, Astronomy was most Lorenzo’s whim, (’Tis studied by a Prince amongst the Burmans); He loved those heavenly bodies which, the Hymn Of Addison declares, preach solemn sermons, While waltzing on their pivots like young Germans.