The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 02 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 02 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
I DO not know what imp of mischief could have put such a fancy into
the dreaming head of Mrs. Carnaby, except Puck--but on a fine morning
in August she awoke with a determination to get up a gipsy party, and
have a day’s pleasure “under the green-wood tree.” She opened her
mind therefore to Mr. C----, as soon as he had opened his eyes, and
before breakfast they had arranged the whole affair. Hornsey Wood was
stale, and Norwood was rejected, for the very paradoxical reason that
it was such a haunt for Gipsies; and Mrs. Carnaby meant to take even
her youngest children. After a good deal of debating, Hainault was the
Forest fixed upon;--it lay so handy to Whitechapel, and the redletter
day was marked to be the Wednesday in the following week, because then
Master Carnaby would only lose half a day’s schooling.
Accordingly, on the Wednesday, the Dryads of Wanstead were startled
by the rumble of a well-laden tax-cart up that avenue which once led
to a princely mansion; and the vehicle at last stopped, and set down
its insides and outsides just where the lines of trees branch off into
another verdant alley. “It was,” Mrs. Carnaby remarked, “a delicious
green spot, and very handy to the Green Man for getting porter.” Mrs.
C---- was assisted out of the cart; and then Miss C---- was lifted out
by Mr. Hodges; and then the children were lifted out by the Mother; and
then the nursemaid, an awkward plainlooking girl that nobody helped,
tumbled out. In the mean time, Master C---- jumped out, all agog after
blackberrying and birdnesting; and had swarmed half up a tree before
his mother’s vigilance discovered, at a single glance, that he was
tearing his trowsers, and had his best clothes on. This was a bad
setting out for the boy; and the horse was not better, for directly
he got out of harness, and felt himself free and at grass, after two
or three preliminary kicks and plunges, it occurred to him to indulge
in a roll, and so he rolled over a pigeon pie that was unfortunately
unpacked, and finished by getting very much up with his fore-legs in
a basket of ginger beer. But it was only a moment of enthusiasm; and,
like other old nags, he betook himself to eating his green grass salad
as gravely as a judge. None of the performers were fortunate in their
debut. The first thing Mrs. Carnaby did in her hurry to save the pop,
was to pop down one of the children on the basket of knives and forks;
but it was a sharp child and soon got up again: and the first thing the
other twin did was to trip over a stump, and fall, as Betty nursemaid
said, “with its face in a fuz.” The first thing Mr. Hodges did, was
to take Miss Carnaby round the waist and give her a smacking kiss; in
return for which, as her first act, she gave him a playful push, that
sent him, with his white ducks, into a muddy miniature pond, that had
recently been stirred up by a cow in search of a cold bath. The first
thing that Mr. C---- did was to recommend some brandy as a preventive
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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