_Fal._ Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at me: the brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to[3333] invent any thing that tends to laughter, more than I invent[3334] or is invented on me: I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before 10 thee like a sow that hath overwhelmed all her litter but one.[3335] If the prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off, why then I have no judgement. Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with an[3336] 15 agate till now: but I will inset you neither in gold nor silver,[3337] but in vile apparel, and send you back again to your master,[3338] for a jewel,--the juvenal, the prince your master, whose chin[3338] is not yet fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in the[3339] palm of my hand than he shall get one on his cheek; and[3340] 20 yet he will not stick to say his face is a face-royal: God[3341] may finish it when he will, 'tis not a hair amiss yet: he may[3342] keep it still at a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn[3343] sixpence out of it; and yet he'll be crowing as if he had[3344] writ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may 25 keep his own grace, but he's almost out of mine, I can[3345] assure him. What said Master Dombledon about the satin[3346] for my short cloak and my slops?[3347] _Page._ He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance than Bardolph: he would not take his band[3348] 30 and yours; he liked not the security. _Fal._ Let him be damned, like the glutton! pray God[3349] his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel! a rascally[3350] yea-forsooth knave! to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand upon security! The whoreson smooth-pates do now[3351] 35 wear nothing but high shoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles; and if a man is through with them in honest taking[3352] up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief they[3353] would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. I looked a' should have sent me two and twenty[3354] 40 yards of satin, as I am a true knight, and he sends me[3355] security. Well, he may sleep in security; for he hath the horn of abundance, and the lightness of his wife shines through it: and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lanthorn to light him. Where's Bardolph?[3356] 45 _Page._ He's gone into Smithfield to buy your worship[3357] a horse. _Fal._ I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse in Smithfield: an I could get me but a wife in the stews, I[3358] were manned, horsed, and wived. 50