The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 1, April 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 1, April 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
He climbed the three flights of stone stairs, and put his key into the
lock; but before he turned it, he stopped--to rest, to take breath. On
the door his name was painted in big white letters, Mr. Richard Dane. It
is always silent in the Temple at midnight; to-night the silence was
dense, like a fog. It was Sunday night; and on Sunday night, even within
the hushed precincts of the Temple, one is conscious of a deeper hush.
When he had lighted the lamp in his sitting-room, he let himself drop
into an arm-chair before the empty fireplace. He was tired, he was
exhausted. Yet nothing had happened to tire him. He had dined, as he
always dined on Sundays, with the Rodericks, in Cheyne Walk; he had
driven home in a hansom. There was no reason why he should be tired.
But he was tired. A deadly lassitude penetrated his body and his spirit,
like a fluid. He was too tired to go to bed.
"I suppose I am getting old," he thought.
To a second person the matter would have appeared one not of supposition
but of certainty, not of progression but of accomplishment. Getting old
indeed? But he _was_ old. It was an old man, grey and wrinkled and
wasted, who sat there, limp, sunken upon himself, in his easy-chair. In
years, to be sure, he was under sixty; but he looked like a man of
seventy-five.
"I am getting old, I suppose I am getting old."
And vaguely, dully, he contemplated his life, spread out behind him like
a misty landscape, and thought what a failure it had been. What had it
come to? What had it brought him? What had he done or won? Nothing,
nothing. It had brought him nothing but old age, solitude,
disappointment, and, to-night especially, a sense of fatigue and apathy
that weighed upon him like a suffocating blanket. On a table, a yard or
two away, stood a decanter of whisky, with some soda-water bottles and
tumblers; he looked at it with heavy eyes, and he knew that there was
what he needed. A little whisky would strengthen him, revive him, and
make it possible for him to bestir himself and undress and go to bed.
But when he thought of rising and moving to pour the whisky out, he
shrunk from that effort as from an Herculean labour; no--he was too
tired. Then his mind went back to the friends he had left in Chelsea
half an hour ago; it seemed an indefinably long time ago, years and
years ago; they were like blurred phantoms, dimly remembered from a
remote past.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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