The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 3, October, 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 3, October, 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
In his boyhood--at the local grammar-school, where his ugliness
had made him the butt of his class, and later, at an insignificant
Oxford college, where, to spare his father, whose glebe was at the
time untenanted, he had set himself grimly to live on an impossibly
slender allowance--at every turn of his life, he had found himself
at a disadvantage with his fellows. Thus he had suffered much,
dumbly--meekly many would have said--without a sign of resentment,
or desire for retaliation. But all the while, in his tenacious,
long-suffering way, he was stubbornly inuring himself to an acceptance
of his own disqualifications. And so, once rudely awakened from his
dream of love, he wondered with heavy curiosity at his faith in its
glamorous reality, and, remembering the tenour of his life, suffered
bitterly like a man befooled by his own conceit.
Some months after the shattering of his romance, the rumour reached him
that James Fulton, a prosperous solicitor in the town, was courting
her. The thing was impossible, a piece of idle gossip, he reasoned with
himself. Before long, however, he heard it again, in a manner that left
no outlet for doubt.
It seemed utterly strange, unaccountable, that she, whose eager echoing
of all his own spiritual fervour and enthusiasm for the work of the
Church still rang in his ears, should have chosen a man, whose sole
talk had seemed to be of dogs and of horses, of guns and of game; a man
thick-minded, unthinking, self-complacent; a man whom he himself had
carelessly despised as devoid of any spark of spirituality.
And, at this moment, when the first smartings of bitter bewilderment
were upon him, the little living of Scarsdale fell vacant, and his
rector, perhaps not unmindful of his trouble, suggested that he should
apply for it.
The valley was desolate and full of sombre beauty; the parish,
sparsely-peopled but extensive; the life there would be monotonous,
almost grim, with long hours of lonely brooding. The living was offered
to him. He accepted it excitedly.
And there, busied with his new responsibilities, throwing himself into
the work with a suppressed, ascetic ardour, news of the outside world
reached him vaguely, as if from afar.
He read of her wedding in the local newspaper: later, a few trite
details of her surroundings; and then, nothing more.
But her figure remained still resplendent in his memory, and, as time
slipped by, grew into a sort of gleaming shrine, incarnating for him
all the beauty of womanhood. And gradually, this incarnation grew
detached, as it were, from her real personality, so that, when twice
a year he went back to spend Sunday with his old rector, to preach a
sermon in the parish church, he felt no shrinking dread lest he should
meet her. He had long ceased to bear any resentment against her, or to
doubt that she had done what was right. The part that had been his in
the little drama seemed altogether of lesser importance.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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