The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 3, October, 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 3, October, 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
He lay staring at the grapes, while excitement quickened every pulse.
Ethel had sent them--they were from Ethel--Ethel had sent them--through
his brain, to and fro, boisterously, the thought danced. And then, he
started to review the past, dispassionately, critically, as if it were
another man’s; and soon, every detail, as he lingered on it, seemed
to disentangle itself, till it all achieved a curious simplification.
The five years at Scarsdale became all blurred: they resembled an
eventless waste-level, through which he had been mechanically trudging.
But the other day, it seemed, he was with her--he and she betrothed
to one another. A dozen scenes passed before his eyes: with a flush
of hot, intolerable shame, he saw himself, clumsy, uncouth, devoid of
personal charm, viewing her bluntly, selfishly through the cumbrous
medium of his own personality. And her attitude was clear too: the
glamour, woven of habitual, sentimental reminiscence, faded, as it
were, from her figure, and she appeared to him simply and beautifully
human; living, vibrating, frail. _Now_ he knew the meaning of that last
letter of hers--the promptings of each phrase; the outpourings of his
ideals, enthusiasms, aspirations--callow, blatant, crude, he named them
bitterly--had scared her: she had felt herself unequal to the strain
of the life he had offered her: in her loveable, womanish frailty, she
had grown to dread it; and he realised all that she had suffered before
she had brought herself to end it--the long struggles with doubt and
suspense. The veil that had clogged his view was lifted: he knew her
now: he could read the writing on her soul: he was securely equipped
for loving her; and now, she had passed out of his life, beyond recall.
In his blindness he had not recognised her, and had driven her away.
How came it that to-day, for the first time, all these things were made
clear?
The clock struck; and while he was listening to its fading note, the
door-handle clicked briskly, and the doctor walked in. He talked
cheerily of the crops damaged by the storm, and the sound of his voice
seemed to vibrate harshly through the room.
“There’s a heavy shower coming up,” he remarked. “By the way, you’re
quite alone here, Mr. Burkett, I believe. Have you no relatives whom
you would like to send for?”
“No--no one,” Alec answered. “Mrs. Parkin will look after me.”
“Yes--but you see,” and he came and sat down by the bedside, “I don’t
say there’s any immediate danger; but you’ve had a very near touch of
it. Now isn’t there any old friend?--you ought not to be alone like
this.” He spoke the last words with emphasis.
Alec shook his head. His gaze had fallen on the basket of grapes again:
he was incoherently musing of Ethel.
“Mind, I don’t say there’s any immediate danger,” he heard the man
repeating; “but I must tell you that you’re not altogether out of the
wood yet.”
He paused.
“You ought to be prepared for the worst, Mr. Burkett.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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