The Young Man's GuideAlcott, William A. (William Andrus)
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The Young Man's Guide
Alcott, William A. (William Andrus)
Conduct of life; Young men
When you are in the company of ladies, beware of silliness. It is true
that they will sooner forgive foolishness than ill manners, but you
will, of course, avoid both. I know one young gentleman of great
promise, who adopted the opinion that in order to qualify himself for
female society, he had only to become as foolish as possible, while in
their presence. That young man soon lost the favor of all whose
friendship might have operated as a restraint; but unwilling to
associate with the despicable, and unable to live in absolute solitude,
he chose the bottle for his companion; and made himself, and the few
friends he had, miserable.
Nothing, unless it be the coarsest flattery, will give more offence, in
the end, than to treat ladies as mere playthings or children. On the
other hand, do not become pedantic, and lecture them on difficult
subjects. They readily see through all this. Neither is it good manners
or policy to talk much of yourself. They can penetrate this also; and
they despise the vanity which produces it. In detecting deception, they
are often much quicker than we apprehend.
A young gentleman, in one of the New England States, who had assumed
the chair of the pedagogue, paid his addresses to the beautiful and
sensible daughter of a respectable farmer. One day, as she was present
in his school, he read to her a hymn, which he said was from his own
pen. Now it was obvious to this lady, and even to some of the pupils,
that the hymn was none other than that usually known by the name of the
'Harvest Hymn,' modified by the change of a few words only. How much
effect this circumstance might have had I cannot say with certainty;
but I know it disgusted _one_, at least, of the pupils; and I know,
too, that his addresses to the lady were soon afterwards discontinued.
A young man who would profit from the society of young ladies, or
indeed from any society, must preserve a modest and respectful spirit;
must seek to conciliate their good will by quiet and unostentatious
attentions, and discover more willingness to avail himself of their
stock of information, than to display his own knowledge or abilities.
He should observe, and learn to admire, that purity and ignorance of
evil, which is the characteristic of well-educated young ladies, and
which, while we are near them, raises us above those sordid and sensual
considerations which hold such sway over _men_, in their intercourse
with each other. He should treat them as spirits of a purer sphere, and
try to be as innocent, if not as ignorant of evil as they are;
remembering that there is no better way of raising himself in the scale
of intellectual and moral being. But to whatever degree of intimacy he
may arrive, he should never forget those little acts of courtesy and
kindness, as well as that respect, and self-denial, which lend a charm
to every kind of polite intercourse, and especially to that of which I
am now speaking.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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