Boarding schools -- Fiction; England -- Fiction; Medical students -- Fiction
In a little while he found himself, ridiculously, sobbing. He could not
define the passionate mixture of resentment, jealousy, shame, and even
hatred, that overwhelmed him. He could not understand himself. A
psycho-analyst, no doubt would have found a name for his state of mind,
describing it as an “Œdipus complex”; but Edwin had never heard of
psycho-analysis, and only knew that his mind was ruthlessly torn by
passions beyond the control of reason. He made a valiant attempt to
think rationally. Primarily, he admitted, it wasn’t his business to
decide whether his father should marry again or remain a widower. His
father was a free agent with responsibilities towards Edwin that were
rapidly vanishing and would soon be ended. He couldn’t even suggest that
this new marriage would be the ruin of any vital comradeship between
them, for the hopes of this ideal state that he had once cherished, had
not been realised during the last few years. There was no reason why his
father’s marriage should affect him personally, or even financially, for
he had never reckoned on the least paternal support when once he should
be qualified. There was not even the least suggestion that his father
was physically unsuitable for the married state, for there was no reason
why he should not live for many years to come. There were actually valid
arguments, that Edwin could not dispute, in favour of the plan—such as
Mr. Ingleby’s loneliness, soon to be increased, and the discomfort that
he had suffered as an elderly widower at the hands of a series of
inefficient house-keepers. From every point of view the world would be
justified in concluding that he was doing the correct and obvious thing.
Why, then, should Edwin lie on his bed in the dark wetting his pillow
with tears, and sick with shame?
No reason could assuage his suffering. However calmly he tried to
consider the matter, the thought of his mother rose up in his mind; a
vision of her, beautiful and pathetic, and indefinitely wronged, came to
reinforce his indignation. He lit a candle and gazed for a long time at
her photograph, the one that he had always kept in his desk at St. Luke’s
and scarcely noticed for the last three years; and though he knew that
she was dead and presumably beyond the reach of any human passion, the
sight of her features filled him more than ever with this unconscionable
resentment so devastating in its intensity. The portrait took him back
to the tenderness that he remembered at the time of her death, and
particularly that strange moment when he and his father had knelt
together in the little room across the landing. The smell of Sanitas. . . .
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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