Rehearsal reading, mind you, consists in the occasional distinct utterance of a word, sandwiched in between large quantities of a strange, monotonous sound, something between a drawl and a buz, the last two or three words of the part being brought out with an emphatic jerk. Here Th----n rushes from the rear:-- "Now my revenge." Star (giving directions): "No, you Mrs. H--s--n, stand there, and then when I approach you, Mr. B--r--y, step a little to the left; then the soldiers pitch into the villagers and the villagers into the soldiers, and I shoot you and escape into the mountains." Stage Manager (who thinks differently): "Allow me to suggest, Mr. B----s, that"--(here the hammering and sawing burst out all over the stage and drown everything). This matter is finally settled. The decision of the oldest member of the troupe having been appealed to, is adopted. Then Mr. Mc----h is missing. The manager bawls "Mc----h!" Everybody bawls, "Mc----h!" "Gimlet! Gimlet!" This is the playful rehearsal appellation for _Hamlet_. Gimlet is at length captured and goes rushing like a locomotive down the passage. Stage Manager: "Now, ladies and gentlemen. All on!" They tumble up the stage steps and gather in groups. H--l--n fences with everybody. Miss H--w--n executes an imperfect _pas seul_. Leading Lady: "I-a-a-a-a love-um-um-um--and-a-a-a another--" Miss H--l--y, Miss M--d--e, or any other woman: "This engage-a-a-a my son's um-um Bank Exchange." A--d--n raises his hands and eyes to heaven, saying: "Great father! he's drunk!" Leading Lady (very energetically): "Go not, dearest Hawes! The Gorhamites are a-a-a-um-um devour thee." Mrs. S--n--s: "How! What!!" Mrs. J----h: "Are those peasantry up there?" Boy comes up to the stage and addresses the manager through his nose: "Mr. G., I can't find him anywhere." H----y J----n: "For as much as I"--(terrible hammering). Nasal boy: "Mr. G., I can't find him anywhere." L--c--h: "Stop my paper!" Manager: "Mr. L., that must be brought out very strong; thus, _Stop my paper!_" L--c--h (bringing it out with an emphasis which raises the roof off the theatre): "STOP MY PAPER!" The leading lady hero goes through the motion of fainting and falls against the star, who is partly unbalanced by her weight and momentum. The star then rushes distractedly about, arranging the supernumeraries to his liking. Ed--s and B--y walk abstractedly to and fro. S--n--r dances to a lady near the wings. These impromptu dances seem to be a favorite pastime on the undressed stage. Second Lady: "Positively a-a-a- Tom Fitch um-um amusing a-aitch a-aitch a-aitch!" It puzzled me for a long time to find out what was meant by this repetition of a-aitch. It is simply the reading of laughter. A-aitch is where "the laugh comes in." The genuine pearls of laughter are reserved for the regular performance. Actresses cannot afford to cachinate during the tediousness and drudgery of rehearsal. Usually they feel like crying.