They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second ComingSinclair, Upton
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They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming
Sinclair, Upton
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) -- Fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
He was discussing churches and those who attend them. Later on, my
attention was called to the curious fact that his discourse was
merely a translation into modern American of portions of the
twenty-third chapter of St. Matthew; a free adaptation of those
ancient words to present day practices and conditions. But I had no
idea of this while I listened; I was shocked by what seemed to me a
furious tirade, and the guests of the hotel were even more
shocked--I think they would have taken to throwing things out of the
windows at the orator, had it not been for their fear of the crowd.
Said Carpenter:
“The theologians and scholars and the pious laymen fill the leisure
class churches, and it would be all right if you were to listen to
what they preach, and do that; but don't follow their actions, for
they never practice what they preach. They load the backs of the
working-classes with crushing burdens, but they themselves never
move a finger to carry a burden, and everything they do is for show.
They wear frock-coats and silk hats on Sundays, and they sit at the
speakers' tables at the banquets of the Civic Federation, and they
occupy the best pews in the churches, and their doings are reported
in all the papers; they are called leading citizens and pillars of
the church. But don't you be called leading citizens, for the only
useful man is the man who produces. (Applause.) And whoever exalts
himself shall be abased, and whoever humbles himself shall be
exalted.
“Woe unto you, doctors of divinity and Catholics, hypocrites! for
you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; you don't go in
yourself and you don't let others go in. Woe unto you, doctors of
divinity and Presbyterians, hypocrites! for you foreclose mortgages
on widows' houses, and for a pretense you make long prayers. For
this you will receive the greater damnation! Woe unto you, doctors
of divinity and Methodists, hypocrites! for you send missionaries to
Africa to make one convert, and when you have made him, is twice as
much a child of hell as yourselves. (Applause.) Woe unto you, blind
guides, with your subtleties of doctrine, your transubstantiation
and consubstantiation and all the rest of it; you fools and blind!
Woe unto you, doctors of divity and Episcopalians, hypocrites! for
you drop your checks into the collection-plate and you pay no heed
to the really important things in the Bible, which are justice and
mercy and faith in goodness. You blind guides, who choke over a fly
and swallow a flivver! (Laughter.) Woe unto you, doctors of divinity
and Anglicans, hypocrites! for you dress in immaculate clothing kept
clean by the toil of frail women, but within you are full of
extortion and excess. You blind high churchmen, clean first your
hearts, so that the clothes you wear may represent you. Woe unto
you, doctors of divinity and Baptists, hypocrites! for you are like
marble tombs which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are
full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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