Almost before we left the landing-stage of the Mersey she told me she felt ill. The water at the time was perfectly calm; we were, in fact, still in the river, but the wretched woman went to bed before we crossed the bar and did not appear again until we reached New York; therefore I had the pleasure of paying her first-class fare and the extra steward’s tips for waiting on her—instead of her being a comfort to me. Arrived on Yankee soil, I received a telegram from the President of Mexico suggesting my revisiting his country. I told the good lady I was going to Mexico. “Law! M’m.” “It is six days and nights in the train.” “Law! M’m.” By this time her eyes opened wider than ever. She still remembered the six days and nights on the steamer. Alas and alack! she was even more ill on the train than she had been on the boat. At Washington we had rooms on the seventh floor; but that woman refused to go up or down in the lift because it made her feel “so queer,” so she walked—and grumbled. Oh, the joys of travelling with a servant! When we started from New York I took off my rings and watchchain, and, as usual on such expeditions, packed them away. The maid was sitting opposite to me in the train when she discovered they were missing. Suddenly she exclaimed: “Oh, what have you done with your rings?” knowing they were the only articles of jewellery I always wore. “I put them away,” I replied. “I never travel off the beaten track wearing jewellery of any kind.” “Oh dear, what a pity! They make you look such a lady.” (Collapse of poor Mrs. A. T. Did “ladyism” depend on diamond rings?) CHAPTER XXVI MORE JOTTINGS: AND HYDE PARK Geneviève Ward’s stories are endless and amusing. To mention only two of these. “A man arrived to have a tooth out. “‘Will it hurt much, sir?’ “‘Rather.’ “‘Real hurt?’ “‘Rather.’ “‘Well, I don’t think,’ began the man in a dither.... “‘Sit down, sir, sit down right there, and bear it like a woman!’” * * * * * Story number two. “Another man asked the dentist his charge. “‘Fifty cents.’ “‘Fifty cents, eh?’ “‘Yes.’ “‘But with gas?’ “‘Guess that’s fifty cents more.’ “‘Wa’al, I won’t have gas then.’ “‘You’re a brave man!’ “‘’Tisn’t for me, it’s for my wife!’” * * * * * Now a couple of child stories. Surely, the workings of a child’s mind are too strange to be imagined. My little nephew, aged four, was saying his prayers, kneeling on his bed and resting against his nurse. Suddenly he stopped. Nurse: “Go on, dear.” Small Boy: “I can’t.” Nurse: “Go on, dear.” Small Boy: “I am switched off, Dod’s talking to someone else.” Naturally, nurse’s breath was somewhat taken away, and she did not know what to answer, when suddenly reassurance came from the small boy. “It is all right. We are connected again now,” and he began again. Here is another story about the same little man, though he was then rather younger, to be exact.