This FreedomHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
This Freedom
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Marriage -- Fiction; Women -- Social and moral questions -- Fiction
Worse than never happen! That’s it. That is the awful knowledge of awful
guilt with which Rosalie sits there and freezes in guilty agony at every
pause in the conversation and could scream to notice how the pauses
grow longer and longer, more frequent and more frequent yet. There’s
a frightful constraint, a chilly, creepy dreadfulness steals about
the party. They go upstairs--Aunt Belle and Rosalie and beautiful
Laetitia--and the constraint goes with them. They sit and stare and
hardly a word said. Something’s up! What’s up? What’s the matter with
everything? Why is everything hanging like this! What’s up? And the men
come in--Uncle Pyke swollen with food, swollen with indigestion, swollen
with baffled perplexity and ferocious irritation; and Harry--she dare
not look at Harry--and the thing is worse, the awfulness more awful.
Glances go shooting round the awful silences--Uncle Pyke’s atrabilious
eye in the burning fiery furnace of his swollen face is a stupendous
note of interrogation directed upon Aunt Belle; Aunt Belle’s eyebrows
arch to scalp and appear likely to disappear into her scalp and remain
there in the effort to express, “I don’t know! I can’t imagine!”;
Laetitia--Laetitia’s eyes upon her mother are as a spaniel’s upon one
devouring meat at table.
Frightfulness more frightful, awfulness more awful; in Rosalie almost
now beyond control the desire to scream, or to burst into tears or
wildly into laughter. Then she knows herself upon her feet and hears
her voice: “Aunt Belle. I must go, I think. I think I am very tired
to-night.”
They suffer her to go.
That’s all a nightmare; but, when the door is closed upon them, like a
nightmare gone. She was alone upon the staircase and then down in the
hall--by those coats!--and, as though no ghastly interval had been, the
amazing and beloved moment was returned to her. Out of a nightmare into
a dream! She stood in her dream a moment--two moments--three--by
the hall door. Who till that evening never had thought of love,
astonishingly was invested with all love’s darling cunning. She felt
somehow he would see her again before she left; and love’s dear cunning
told her right. He came swiftly down the stairs. She never knew on what
pretext he had left the room. He came to her. Love loves these snatched
moments and always makes them snatched to breathlessness. She opened
the door and must be gone. She said to him, speaking first, “Oh, we were
vile in there! How vile we were!”
It was, the intimacy and the abruptness of it, the perfect comprehension
that their thoughts were shared, as if they had known and loved for
years.
He caught her hand. “My conspirator! My secret-sharer!”
She gave him her heart in her eyes.
He said, “To-morrow, I will come to you.”
She disengaged her hand.
He gave a swift look all about and caught her in his arms. “You must
tell me, my Rosalie. Tell me.”
She breathed, “You knew, before I knew, that I loved you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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