This FreedomHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
This Freedom
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Marriage -- Fiction; Women -- Social and moral questions -- Fiction
Then! Upon that thought--“Dear Harry!”--had come, with a catch at the
breath as at an obscure twinge of pain, a tremor of the sense that
was its meaning: thereafter flooding all her being as floods a flood
a pasture. A longing to be mother, Anna’s longing was! A longing to
be mother, to hold a tiny scrap against her breast; to have her heart,
bursting for such release, torn out by baby fingers; to have her design
of God, insufferably overpacked within her by the remorseless pressure
of instinct through a million ages, relieved, discharged, fulfilled by
motherhood. Poor Anna! Ah, piteous! “Oh, God, thou knowest how hard it
is to be a woman.” Poor, piteous Anna, and poor, piteous every woman
that, made vessel of this yearning, must have it unfulfilled.
Not she!
The coronet of love, denied poor Anna, was hers. He’d said “These
rooms--the nurseries”; the crown of love; and she had laughed!
Oh, stubborn still! Oh, still not cognisant of nature’s dower to her
sex. To wear the coronet and to refuse the crown! To be wife and not to
be mother! To think of baby fingers and to think to put away the offer
of their baby clutch!
That girl that turned her face to her pillow and began to cry, most
frightfully, cried next again when she again lay abed and had a tiny
scrap, an ugly, exquisite, grotesque, miraculous scrap, a baby boy, a
baby man, along her arm and watched it there. Those had been passionate
and rending tears; these did not even flow. Those burned her eyes; these
stood within her eyes a lovely welling up of pride and adoration,
drawn from her by this newly risen wonder as by the sun at his arising
moisture in lovely mists is drawn from earth.
Motherhood! When later he was christened, she and Harry named him Hugh;
but it was a caressing diminutive she made out of his name by which he
was always known. Her tiny son! His tiny arms hugged you as never tiny
arms possibly could have hugged before and so she called him “Huggo.”
“Harry, if you could feel how he’s hugging me! It’s absurd he can
have such strength! It’s ridiculous he can love me so! And how can he
possibly know that hugging’s a sign of love? Harry, how can he? Take him
and hold him up like that and see if he hugs you the same. He is! He is!
Isn’t he?”
“Mice and Mumps,” said Harry, “he is; he’s throttling me, the tiger.”
“Ah, give him back, I’m jealous. There’s never, never been a hugger
like him since the world began. He’s Huggo. That’s his name. Creature
straight out of heaven, you’re Huggo.”
Her love for infant Huggo so maternal; her unity with Harry so
exquisitely one; how could she have known were to be met across the
waters of the years occasions new and strange, as that already shown,
or, onward yet a further voyage, as this?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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