Clown. Who, I, sir? from a lodging of largess, a house of hospitality, and a palace of plenty; where there’s feeding like horses and drinking like fishes; where for pints, we’re served in pottles; and instead of pottle-pots, in pails; instead of silver tankards, we drink out of water-tankards; claret runs as freely as the cocks, and canary like the conduits of a coronation day; where there’s nothing but feeding and frolicking, carving in kissing, drinking and dancing, music and madding, fiddling and feasting. Wincott. And where, I pray thee, are all these revels kept? Clown. They may be rather called reaks[3.11] than revels; as I came along by the door I was called up amongst them--he-gallants and she-gallants. I no sooner looked out, but saw them out with their knives, slashing of shoulders, mangling of legs, and lanching[3.12] of loins, till there was scarce a whole limb left amongst them. Wincott. A fearful massacre! Clown. One was hacking to cut off a neck; this was mangling a breast; his knife slipped from the shoulder, and only cut off a wing; one was picking the brains out of a head, another was knuckle-deep in a belly; one was groping for a liver, another searching for the kidneys. I saw one pluck the soul[3.13] from the body--goose that she was to suffer’t!; another pricked into the breast with his own bill--woodcock to endure it! Wife. How fell they out at first? Clown. I know not that, but it seems one had a stomach, and another had a stomach; but there was such biting and tearing with their teeths, that I am sure I saw some of their poor carcasses pay for’t. Wincott. Did they not send for surgeons? Clown. Alas, no! surgeons’ help was too late; there was no stitching up of those wounds, where limb was plucked from limb; nor any salve for those scars, which all the plaster of Paris cannot cure. Wincott. Where grew the quarrel first? Clown. It seems it was first broached in the kitchen, certain creatures being brought in thither by some of the house. The cook, being a choleric fellow, did so towse them and toss them, so pluck them and pull them, till he left them as naked as my nail; pinioned some of them like felons; cut the spurs from others off their heels; then down went his spits, some of them he ran in at the throat, and out at the backside: about went his basting-ladle, where he did so besauce them that many a shrewd[3.14] turn they had amongst them. Wife. But, in all this, how did the women scape? Clown. They fared best, and did the least hurt that I saw, but for quietness-sake were forced to swallow what is not yet digested; yet every one had their share, and she that had least, I am sure, by this time hath her bellyful. Wincott. And where was all this havoc kept?