Christian fiction; Wingfold, Thomas (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
this endless whir of the wheels of thought and desire be over; then
welcome the night whose darkness doth not seethe, and which no morning
shall ever stir!
“‘And wherever armies were drawing nigh, each to the other, and the day
of battle was near, thither I flew in hot haste, that I might be first
upon the field, and ready to welcome hottest peril. I fought not, for I
would not slay those that counted it not the good thing to be slain, as
I counted it. But had the armies been of men that loved death like me,
how had I raged among them then, even as the angel Azrael to give them
their sore-desired rest! for I loved and hated not my kind, and would
diligently have mown them down out of the stinging air of life into the
soft balm of the sepulchre. But what they sought not, and I therefore
would not give, that searched I after the more eagerly for myself.
And my sight grew so keen that, when yet no bigger than a mote in the
sunbeam, I could always descry the vulture-scout, hanging aloft over
the field of destiny. Then would I hasten on and on, until a swoop would
have brought him straight on my head.
“‘And with that a troop of horsemen, horses and men mad with living
fear, came with a level rush towards the spot where I sat, faint with
woe. And I sprang up, and bounded to meet them, throwing my arms aloft
and shouting, as one who would turn a herd. And like a wave of the
rising tide before a swift wind, a wave that sweeps on and breaks not,
they came hard-buffeting over my head. Ah! that was a torrent indeed!--a
thunderous succession of solid billows, alive, hurled along by the
hurricane-fear in the heart of them! For one moment only I felt and knew
what I lay beneath, and then for a time there was nothing.--I woke in
silence, and thought I was dying, that I had all but passed across the
invisible line between, and in a moment there would be for evermore
nothing and nothing. Then followed again an empty space as it seemed.
And now I am dead and gone, I said, and shall wander no more. And with
that came the agony of hell, for, lo, still _I_ THOUGHT! And I said to
myself, Alas! O God! for, notwithstanding I no more see or hear or
taste or smell or touch, and my body hath dropped from me, still am I
Ahasuerus, the Wanderer, and must go on and on and on, blind and
deaf, through the unutterable wastes that know not the senses of
man--nevermore to find rest! Alas! death is not death, seeing he slayeth
but the leathern bottle, and spilleth not the wine of life upon the
earth. Alas! alas! for I cannot die! And with that a finger twitched,
and I shouted aloud for joy: I was yet in the body! And I sprang to my
feet jubilant, and, lame and bruised and broken-armed, tottered away
after Death, who yet might hold the secret of eternal repose. I was
alive, but yet there was hope, for Death was yet before me! I was alive,
but I had not died, and who could tell but I might yet find the lovely
night that hath neither clouds nor stars! I had not passed into the land
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