England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Villages -- England -- Fiction
Anthony had sprung into the road, and now was leaning over the wheel
with his arm against the dog-cart. He said in a changed voice, "I can't
wonder that it should puzzle you. I have been a puzzle to myself for a
long time past. I doubt whether ever any one has managed to make so
many mistakes as I. Don't blame Ada too much, I have been at least as
much in fault as she, and yet I want both you and Mrs Bennett to think
as kindly of me as you can. Nothing can ever touch the remembrance of
your goodness."
He spoke with a strong feeling which brought Mr Bennett back to his
side in a moment. He caught Anthony's hand, and began shaking it
vehemently.
"My dear fellow, you've behaved--I can't tell you how I think you've
behaved," he said, stopping only to begin again. It was the greatest
possible relief to him that he might go home and tell his wife that
matters were all comfortably settled, and that they need not be angry
with Ada any more.
"Do you think so?" said Anthony, oddly. He shook hands again to satisfy
Mr Bennett, and then drew back from the dog-cart. The old grey, a
little affronted at her unaccustomed treatment, started off with a
snort. Mr Bennett was looking back, and waving farewells so long as
the road kept Anthony in sight. Overhead the clouds were parting, a
yellow sun shone out and struck the young glistening leaves, a blackbird
was whistling with clear beautiful notes; a great heap of weeds was
burning in a field close by where some boys were shouting. Anthony
found himself noting everything, wondering idly, and shutting his mind's
door by that sort of compulsion which we have all of us in some measure
in our power. When he could no longer do this, he set off, and walked
for half a mile as quickly as if he were walking a match.
That Ada should have treated him in this manner was the utmost
humiliation his pride could have endured, the more so because she had
bestowed upon him so many gentle flatteries, had been so soft and
yielding, so free from even the small reproaches for which he
acknowledged she might at times have had an excuse. And the humiliation
became greater as he began to recollect past trifles which had been
forgotten, but which floated up to his remembrance now, as the flood
which sweeps away boundaries will bring to the surface little in
significant straws. He recalled words and actions of Ada's throughout
their engagement; the manner in which she had quoted Mr Warren, who had
been too small a figure to make an impression on Anthony; the readiness
with which she accepted his society; he recollected that evening when he
had made his appeal to Ada, and had seen two dim figures coming towards
him under the trees, and her quick excuses. He turned from himself with
a sick disgust as he realised how completely he had taken the false for
the true, the true for the false. There was a terrible satire in his
life, or so it seemed to him when he thought of his old self-reliance,
and the end of it all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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