The heavy groaning came again from far away. The monotonous moan was
like the muffled tone of a bass string, plucked at regular intervals,
which vibrates wearily and hopelessly, as though it knew that no living
heart beats fit to understand and appease its melancholy, quivering
lament. Pavel was flaming with irritation over the buffets that life's
heavy hand had dealt him.
He too, vibrated, like that string, with excitement, and whispered
hurriedly, disconnectedly his grievances and complaints, and Ilya felt
that Pavel's words fell on his heart like sparks, stirring to life
in his own breast something dark and contradictory, that constantly
troubled him, now flaming up, now sinking down. It seemed as though,
in place of the dull, evil doubt, with which till now he had faced
life, something else was suddenly kindled in his soul, brightening its
darkness and shaping for it rest and relief for ever.
"Why is a man holy, if he's enough to eat? is he always in the right,
if he's educated?" whispered Pavel, standing close to Ilya, and looking
round him as though he were aware of the unknown enemy who had spoilt
his life. "See," he went on, "if I am hungry, if I'm stupid, still
I have a soul! Or hasn't a hungry man a soul? I see that I have no
decent, real life, they have ruined my life, they've cut short my
wishes and set up barriers on all my ways, and why?"
"No one can say," cried Ilya harshly, "and there's no one we could ask
who would understand? We are all strangers."
"That's true, whom can we talk to?" asked Pavel, with a despairing
gesture, and was silent.
Lunev looked straight before him down the wide corridor, and sighed
deeply.
The dull moaning was heard again, now they were silent, it sounded
more clearly; it seemed to come from the breast of a big, strong man,
struggling with great pain.
"Are you still with Olympiada?" asked Pavel.
"Yes, still," answered Ilya.
"And think," he added with a strange smile, "Jakov has got on so well
with his reading that now he's doubtful about God."
"Really?"
"Yes, he's found such a book! And you, what do you think about that?"
"I, you see," said Pavel, thoughtfully, "I've never thought much about
it. I never go to church."
"And I do think about it, I think a lot about it, and I cannot
understand how God endures it all!"
And they began to talk again, short, disconnected sentences, and they
remained absorbed in their conversation till an attendant came up to
them and said severely to Lunev:
"Why are you hiding here? eh?"
"I'm not hiding."
"Don't you see all the visitors are gone?"
"I didn't notice. Good-bye Pavel--give Jakov a look up."
"Now then, get on--get on!"
"Come again soon, for God's sake!" implored Gratschev.
"I tell you, get on!" and the attendant followed Ilya muttering:
"These fellows, loafers, hiding in corners."
Lunev slackened his pace and as the attendant came up to him, he said
quietly and maliciously:
"Don't growl, else I'll have to say, 'lie down dog! lie down!'"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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